Dare to Dream

Lately, I've been talking with all my kids individually. I'm trying to get to know them better. A popular question I like to ask them is, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The responses I get break my heart. The question floors most of them. I honestly don't think they've ever been asked before, so they've never thought about it. American kids are asked this question hundreds of times in their short childhoods, but not Haitian kids. Most of them will eventually settle for answer like a  nurse or farmer because that's the only jobs they really know about.
How sad is this? No one is teaching my children how to dream.
I often play a game with some of the Haitian adults that can speak a little English. To force them to practice their English we sit in a circle. The first person says a sentence. For example; Yesterday I went to the beach. Then the next person makes up another sentence. Example; While I was there I saw a fisherman. You keep going around the circle until you've made a story.
I'm sure you've played this game at some point in your life.
Anyway, trying to get the adults to create a story is like pulling teeth! Its so difficult for them. They were never required in school to do creative writing or even to paint a picture. They haven't been taught how to imagine.
Now granted some people are just naturally creative and don't need to be taught these things. But, as I have learned from my Haitian friends, many people do need to be taught how or at least encouraged more.

How can we expect these children to change this country if they can't even envision a better place!

Think of all the things our world would be lacking if it wasn't for dreamers and visionaries. It was a dreamer who imagined the first airplane. Dreamers created beautiful artwork like the Mona Lisa and the Statue of David. A dreamer once came up with the idea of harnessing electricity and creating light bulbs.

I've never been so grateful for my teachers. Those great teachers that were always encouraging us to read more and imagine bigger. Every kid deserves to have someone pushing them forward. Daring them to go farther then anyone else. Thank you teachers. I hope you realize the impact your making and the great hole that would be inside all of us if you weren't here. I pray I can give these Haitian children at least half of the encouragement that my teachers gave me.

The Truth!

The truth is that 143 million orphaned children and 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children.

And though at first glance that looks like a big number.....

2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians.

The truth is that if only 8% of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left.

This is the truth!

I have the freedom to believe it. The freedom, the opportunity to do something about it. The truth is that he loves these children just as much as he loves me and now that I know......

I am responsible!





(From the book Kisses from Katie)

What's Appropriate?

Yesterday, while walking through town I noticed a small child sitting along the side of the road. He was naked, searching through a trash pile for something to eat. His belly was grossly extended due to hunger and intestinal parasites. He had bald patches on his head from a skin infection.

What is the appropriate feeling when you witness something like this?
Shock? How can I be shocked I see children like this everyday?
Sadness? If sadness overwhelms me every time I look into the eyes of a hurting child then my sadness would quickly turn into depression.
Pity? How can I pity a people who have endured trials much greater than my own and still have the courage to smile?
Love? Many times God places love in my heart that I have yet to understand, but not at this particular time.
At this moment I feel anger, and I begin to question myself. Is this wrong?

Its not a sharp anger that spontaneously erupts and causes uncontrollable reactions. This anger is different. It's a constant. It's an anger I carry with me. One that is always hiding just out of view of my conscious thoughts. It's an anger I have become accustom to. But, is it wrong?

I've come to the realization that feelings in themselves are not sinful. God created us with feelings. It's how we choose to react to these feelings that determine whether we are sinning. When a mother stands up for her child who is being bullied; is this wrong? No. Anger is never wrong when we use it to defend the weak. As long as our actions are focused on love for the victim and not hatred towards the accused.

My anger is a holy anger; a righteous anger. An anger towards the injustice of the 3rd world.

I hate sin, and I will forever be angry at its effects. This is what drives me on the days I have nothing else left. I don't believe this anger is wrong. Not when I can use it to benefit others.


"I never work better than when I am inspired by anger. When I am angry I can write, pray, and preach well; for then my temperament is quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations and temptations depart."     -Martin Luther

She's Okay!

I went to the land last night to take pictures of the children for the up coming Child Sponsorship Program. While we were working a young woman walked up to be with a big smile on her face. I thought to myself, "Who is this woman and why is she so happy to see me?" I didn't recognize her.
After she introduced herself it all came back to me. She was the woman that had Cholera a week ago! She was 100% better. I was thrilled. She didn't say much to me. She just smiled a lot and thanked me. She's lucky to be alive. And the best part is its been over a week and no one else has become sick. Praise God. Thank you for your prayers!

Wow, do I not have the greatest job ever?!?!

Is this my life?

I had one of my moments again. They come on me unexpectedly and during random situations. I was walking home in the dark after feeding the children and I suddenly thought, “Is this my life?”

Sometimes I play a game. I imagine what it would be like to wake up tomorrow and not remember the last two years. I would find myself completely surrounded by people I didn't know, speaking a language I've never heard, and living in a country I didn't know existed.  Isn't it amazing where Christ can take you if given the chance?

Yes, this is my life.

I am a missionary in the midst of a spiritual battle. I am a young single girl living alone in a third world country. I am the daughter of the most high king sent to raise up the least of these. I’m a mother. I’m a doctor. I’m a teacher.

I am not who I once was. I have been restored and remade because of the mercy of Jesus Christ.

Yes, this is my life. I thank God everyday for it. 

Persecution

Yesterday was, by far, the hardest day I've ever experienced in Haiti. After volunteering at a clinic I was taken aside by fellow missionaries and told about horrible rumors that were being spread about me by Haitian people. I won’t repeat what was said. It’s not worth the time. I was humiliated. I went home and laid in my bed and sobbed.

It was not the people in my village speaking badly of me. No, it was the people claiming to be Christians. The people I sit beside in church. I suppose I don’t fit the mold of the typical missionary so there must be something wrong with me. Some ulterior motive must have brought me here.

I can honestly say in the short time after I found out about this I was ready to leave. I had had enough. “How can I love these people?” I thought. “They bite the hand that feeds them.”

But God in all his beauty and wisdom was there whispering again, “That’s why you’re here.”

It’s easy to love those we feel deserve to be loved. Those who have never wronged us and show their appreciation towards us. But what of those that don’t?  What makes me different from the world is that I will love them even when they persecute me. I will stay even when I am wrongly accused.

I know my calling. Since I became a Christian it’s the one thing in my life I have never doubted. I know I’m supposed to be here. I know with God’s blessing I can help them. I know this!

I see the smiles on the children’s faces. I see the hope I bring into that village when I come. There is good here. I believe there is good inside these people. And if I spend the rest of my life trying to find it, then so be it. This is my calling. This is why I was created.

John 15:18-21 If the world hates you (Carrie), keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you (Carrie) do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you (my daughter): “No servant is greater than his master.” If they persecute me, they will persecute you also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me.

I’m so thankful the word is alive and real!

Busy, Busy, Busy!

I'm waiting for Kenzy to get back from Port Au Prince with my new refrigerator. I'm so excited. Its run off propane so my food wont spoil when the electricity goes out. Everyday the electricity turns on and off randomly throughout the day. It's the craziest thing.
I keep thinking of all the things I'm going to buy now that I can keep them cold. I wont milk, cheese, eggs, and hot dogs !! It's going to be amazing. I'm so blessed someone offered to buy me one. I don't even know who it was but whoever you are if your reading this, thank you!
I just finished looking at the schedule for this month. I'm busy busy busy!
I've decided I want to start a child sponsorship program with the kids that live next to our property. Our little village is so poor. I've learned that many of the kids go to school but they can't afford books or pencils. How can you learn if you have nothing to read and nothing to write with??? If I can get people to sponsor these kids I could go to the market myself and buy them supplies. It wouldn't take much. It cost about $10 to buy all the books a child would need for one school year.
Its a lot of paper work though. I've been taking their pictures and writing down all their information. I have about 60 kids in our feeding program that I have to get information from. And I just found out I have only two weeks to do it!!
November 20th, a group from Soul Harvest Church is coming to Haiti and I'm planning on working alongside them. Cayla and Josh Adkins are coming and staying at my house the 22nd. Both groups are planning on meeting up and doing a medical clinic on our land. At the end of the week I'm flying home with Josh and Cayla.
My plan is to be in America for the entire month of December. I was reluctant about being away from Haiti for so long but I have so much work I need to do in America  We need to become a non-profit organization so we can qualify for government grants and partner with other missions in Haiti. Don't ask me how I'm supposed to do this because I have no idea. That's why I'm giving myself a month to figure it out. I also have a lot of paperwork to do for the sponsorship program.
Things are starting to get technical! I'm just taking deep breaths and going one step at a time. God will help. He always does :)

Preventing Disaster

If your on my friend's list on Facebook you'll probably remember me commenting about taking rice to the families during Hurricane Sandy. The path leading to the village had been transformed into a small river because of the rain. We had to walk through it to get the rice to the people. As I was walking knee deep through this water I looked down and noticed poop everywhere!! Yes that's right poop. I just closed my eyes and kept telling myself it was animal poop. Don't ask me why but at that moment standing in animal feces seemed better than human. Yuck! This is grossing me out talking about it again.
Anyway, the flood spread the village's sewage everywhere. You can imagine a stream like that flowing through a village would easily spread disease. Its a breeding ground for harmful bacteria and mosquitoes that can carry malaria.
So yesterday when I revisited the village the inevitable happened. I found a young girl that had Cholera. Its a horrible illness. It can kill a person within 12 hours of the first symptoms appearing. The person runs a fever with constant vomiting and diarrhea. Dehydration is what kills during this time. If a person can't make it to a hospital for an IV they're chances of dying are high. Honestly its the one disease in Haiti that I fear the most. Only because it comes on so quickly. Sometimes people are gone before they even know what they have.
My stomach sank when I heard the villagers repeating those words, "Vini Blanc. Petit mwen gen kolera. Ede li!" (Come White Woman. My child has Cholera. Help her!) I began to pray.
"I come in the authority of Jesus Christ. No weapon the enemy has can be used against me. My father heals. My father protects. His blood covers me."
When I found the woman I laid my hands on her and prayed. I gave her money from our church to go to the hospital. I purchased bleach and taught the women nearby how to sanitize everything.
After I got home I scrubbed my hands so hard I thought my skin would fall off. "Oh father, forgive my lack of faith."
Please pray for our village. The disease can spread quickly. Hopefully I have done enough to prevent it. I thank God I was here to help them.
The lady is still in Port Au Prince. I'll keep you updated on her.

All in a Days Work

My internet is still working perfectly. I started laughing when I turned it on. I think God was laughing too.

Yesterday, I spent the day visiting people in the village beside our land. I met a man named Gary who spoke English very well. I'm always shocked when someone approaches me and starts speaking English. He said that he was a Christian and he would be happy to help our mission in any way he could.
For a long time I've had the desire to start a women's Bible study. It's good to teach children, but their mother's could teach them so much better than I. This is why I feel it's even more important to teach the mothers. I've been wondering how I could accomplish that. My Creole is okay but it's no where near good enough to stand in front of a crowd and speak. I would need a translator. Maybe Gary can be that translator. I've been praying about it and I really feel led to do it, but I think I need to wait until after Christmas break. I don't want to start something and then leave for a Holiday as soon as it starts to catch on. I'm planning on trying to develop a relationship with Gary before we start. I need to be sure of where his heart is before we start teaching others.
I visited one house that was extremely poor. Poorer than most. It had a dirt floor and only a plastic tarp for a roof. I wrote down everyone's names and silently prayed God would show me how to help them. I wondered how they survived the Hurricane last week with such an flimsy structure for a house. While we were visiting their older son came into the yard. He started talking with the Pastor that works for our mission, but I couldn't understand most of what was said. I kept hearing the word "voodoo" while he was talking. That caught my attention. At one point I understood him to say, "I don't love God. I don't believe. God has never helped me. Only voodoo has helped me." I could see the pastor was getting visibly frustrated. Whatever the argument was he couldn't respond quick enough to the boy's disputes over our religion. I had no translator with me at the time and the conversation was much to fast for me to join in. I've never been so aggravated not being able to speak Creole! There is so much I could have taught him. The other Haitians I was with quickly dismissed him as being crazy.
 "He doesn't want to learn," they said.
 I said, "You don't know that. Jesus died for that man too."
That house is on the top of my list as houses to help. I don't want that boy to ever again say God has never helped him. God is the one who put compassion in my heart for the Haitian people. He is the one that provided the money and the personal connections with people so that I may come. He led me to that particular house that day. He gave me ears and a brain so that I may piece together a conversation not in my own language. He gave me truth in his word that he loved and died for us all. He loves that boy who claims to hate him, and I intend on showing him this love.
After that incident we left the home and walked down the hill to a large group of houses. A lady ran to me with her baby in her arms. The baby was sick. She said she had a cold. Her eye was swollen. I'm guesses from sinus infection. All I had with me was over-the-counter children's cold medicine. I gave the baby some and held her while I prayed. Then she peed on me!!!! Haha. All in a days work I guess.
I'm going to go back and check on her today. If she's still that sick I'll try to arrange for her to go to a clinic for better medicine.
So much to do here. I'm so thankful God has chosen me to do it. How blessed I am!

God Knows Whats Up

So here's the deal....I have internet through a flash drive that I plug into my computer. I guess it picks up service from a cell tower somewhere. I haven't been writing my blog because ever since I bought it I haven't been able to get service at my house.
This whole time I've been so frustrated. I love writing my blog. I love telling my stories.
Finally I decided that I would start asking the other missions in Grand Goave if I could sit in their houses and see if I could pick up service there. My computer has a horrible battery and it has to be plugged in to work. For some reason it wont hold charge anymore. So not only did I need to find a signal I needed to find electricity too. That's not an easy task in Haiti. (Everyone make sure to tell my dad he needs to tell Santa Claus I need a new computer for Christmas..lol)
Anyway when I decided to go try to find signal at the other missions I felt God leading me. I don't know how to explain it. It's just a gut feeling I've learned to trust and except as God. I just knew he was setting me up for a new connection.
After not being about to find service at other missions I eventually ended up at a place called Haiti Arise. Its run by a Haitian man and his Canadian wife. Right now they're in Canada expecting their 5th child! They have a missionary couple from America living at the mission also. When I walked in I introduced myself. When I told them I lived down the street by myself they looked at me like I had two heads. Apparently my situation is odd even to other missionaries. Most people these days get hooked up with big organizations and live in compounds behind huge walls. I prefer to live among the people. Both jobs are important and helpful, but I just prefer mine. After the shock wore off a bit they completely took me in. The woman, who is named Val, is very motherly. I love that characteristic in people and I often strive to have more of that in myself. They told me if I was ever in danger or sick I could always come there for help.
The other day I sent Kenzy to the market to buy food. He was gone all day. There isn't any Walmarts in Haiti so shopping is usually an all day event. Around lunch time I was really hungry. I didn't have anything to eat so I was just trying to ignore it. I walked down to Haiti Arise to pick up some of my kids from school. Once I got there Val offered me a huge bowl of soup and bread. I didn't even ask she just offered.
God really does supply all our needs! I know that for a fact now because I'm down here testing it everyday and it's true! Isn't he wonderful!!
After our friendship was made I came home and turned my computer on. And just like that I had full service and my internet worked perfectly. I thought it must be a mistake but this morning it came on again. I think God was the one blocking my signal!!!! I'm not complaining though. As you can see he has a plan and he knows best.
Next time I get frustrated about anything I'll remember this lesson.

Getting Started

I purchased my first mosquito net last night. For some reason that makes me feel like a hardcore missionary  Don't ask me why. The bugs are a lot worse this year then before. Maybe its because I'm so close to the ocean now.
Last night I had my first meeting with the Haitian employees. I was nervous. They are all men and I knew the way I handled our first meeting would set the stage for the rest. I kept telling myself, "Focus Carrie. Use your Captain America leadership skills." lol. I think I did pretty good. But that probably had more to do with God then Captain America...haha!!
I told them that this Saturday we are going to start a soccer club on our land. Every Saturday we play soccer with the kids. Every Friday we will have Bible study and hygiene classes after the kids finish school. Monday I'm going to start going from door to door (or tent to tent) to get to know the families and find out their needs.
I just found out yesterday that we have to go to some kind of social affairs office and fill out paperwork asking permission from the Haitian government to start a mission. And if I know anything about the Haitian government that should probably take me about 5  to 10 years to get the correct documents...lol.
Next week I'm going to visit the kids at the school i worked at last year and help out with a medical clinic. I'm excited to see all of them.
So basically I have a lot of work to do! I love my job this year!! I have so much more freedom and I feel like I'm really starting to help people and make a difference!!!

My New Home

Literally 5 minutes after I wrote my last blog Samson chewed up my house slipper. Since then he has chewed up one of my new dresses, a roll of toilet paper, and ate a bar of soap. HaHa! It’s hard to get angry with him though because I know he is trying to adjust just like me. We can’t be as active here as we are in America. Most of the time people don’t venture far from their homes regularly, and because my Creole isn't completely fluent yet I’m dependent on other people to run all my errands for me. Sometimes it can be a little boring when I’m waiting around for people to come speak with me or take me somewhere, but on the plus side I now have time to practice my guitar and spend time with God. Poor Samson is still trying to figure out what to do with all his free time and I’m afraid eating everything in my house isn't going to cut it!!

                Cayla, had to send me more money yesterday because the expenses for starting my new house were more than expected. I've been writing everything down that I've spent but I just keep finding new things I need. So far my house has a bed, a plastic table, 4 plastic chairs, and a propane stove top burner. The burner is kind of like the ones people use when they go camping. I have a set of dishes and a pitcher that I can plug in to heat up water. Obviously the pitcher only works when the electricity is on. However, I can’t complain. The electricity has been really good so far. I would say it’s on about 70% of the time. Unfortunately, it always seems to go off at the worst possible moment. Last night I was taking a shower and everything went pitch black! Lucky for me I was smart enough to have put an emergency lantern in my bathroom.  I have Cayla’s mom to thank for that. She gave me two lanterns before I left the States.

I have a couple wash pans I use to wash my dishes in, but I have to set on the floor while I do it because I don’t have any counter tops in my kitchen. In fact I don’t even have a kitchen. It’s just an empty room right now that I plan on making into a kitchen.  A Haitian carpenter came to my house yesterday and said he would build me cabinets and a counter top for $375 dollars. I still won’t have a sink in my house but just having a counter top would be a blessing because I wouldn't have to squat down to do all my cooking and washing. I have to wait though. I plan on putting my house together slowly. When God provides the money I’ll buy what I need. Until then, I’m doing just fine.

I like living this way because when you have a little everything is a blessing. One day God with give me a kitchen counter top and I’ll probably think it’s the greatest counter top in the entire world! I never stop and thank him for such things when I’m in America, but Haiti is different. Even when I’m frustrated, hot, hungry, and tired I still wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. God changes me for the better every day because I have allowed him to change me. And, because he has helped me so much I can now go out and help others.

My job on Soul Harvest property will begin very soon. I’ll keep posting and let you know how it all turns out.

Returning Home

As of right now I don’t have internet but I figured I could write my blog and then publish what I already wrote. If you’re reading this it means I've already got internet, thank you Jesus!!

I made it to my new home safe. Samson, my German Sheppard, is here with me. He did amazing on the trip. I’m not being sarcastic when I tell you I've witnessed a miracle through my dog! He’s only a 6 month old puppy, so he’s obviously not trained. He lived outside at my Aunts house until I came to Haiti. He came and went as he pleased and went to the bathroom wherever he wanted. He also loved to destroy all my aunts’ yard decorations and dig huge holes in her flower garden. When people would come to the house he would bark hysterically at them ignoring the fact that I was screaming at him to stop. Basically, he was a typical puppy. I very big puppy! Samson weighs 60 lbs already and he’s only half grown.

My dad and I drove to Florida and I got on a flight with a private airline called Missionary Flights International. Samson rode in the back of my dad’s truck the entire way there.  Every few hours we would stop and let him out to pee and then he would go right back in his kennel. We got a hotel room and Samson never had an accident on the floor. He never chewed on anything in the room. He was perfect. Then when it was time to board the plane he seen another dog that was flying with us and he started barking. I started praying, “Dear Lord don’t let this crazy dog bark the whole way there.” It was a very small plane with only about 15 people on board and Samson was right behind me in his kennel the whole time. After we got on the plane he never made a sound. It took us about 5 hours to get to Port Au Prince because we made a couple stops along the way. Once we landed I had to take him out of his cage and walk him through customs. A huge puppy walking through a crowed chaotic airport and he hasn't went to the bathroom in over 5 hours! I thought, “There is no way this is going to end well. “ I was wrong. He walked beside me completely calm. Every time I would stop he would stop and sit down beside me. Everyone kept commenting on how well behaved he was!! I said, “It has to be Jesus training him because he’s only a baby.” It was crazy!!

 When we were walking through customs it got a little scary. The customs officials grabbed me and started asking me all these questions in Creole. They were talking so fast I couldn't understand them. Then they started saying, “$70 tax for dog!” I didn't know what to do. I had never been stopped before and they wouldn't let me leave. I had no choice but to give them the money. Who knows if there is really a tax to bring dogs into the country? But even though I was scared Samson was just fine. When we finally got to leave I found some grass nearby and he went to the bathroom. Then we were in Port Au Prince all day getting supplies and he never bothered anyone. Once we finally arrived at the house it was dark. I put a fan on him and after he drank about a gallon of water he immediately fell asleep. 

He’s still mysteriously house trained and he won’t chew anything lying on the floor unless it’s his toys. He’s sleeping by my feet as I’m writing this now.

There is, however, one small problem. The Haitian people are terrified of him! I wanted Samson here for protection. I figured at night he would wake me up if someone was snooping around outside. I had no idea that he would cause people to avoid my house all together. People walk in and Samson will be lying on the floor panting with his ears perked up. He doesn’t act mean or hostile, but grown Haitian men will freak out and start yelling, “Be careful! Be careful! Put him away!” He’s not even doing anything! I took him for a walk yesterday and a group of children started screaming and ran away when they saw him. Haitian dogs start crying and hide when we walk down the street. It’s like I own a mountain lion! They all stand around amazed at the fact I will let him play bite me when we are wrestling. He is definitely doing his job. Everyone in a 10 mile radius now knows the white woman owns a big black monster dog. Hahaha. It’s Hilarious! I keep telling myself that Samson is probably protecting me in ways I will never know about. God knew though. I prayed for God to protect me and he answered my prayers in the form of a dog. It’s the answers to the little things that I always fined amazing. No request is ever to small or to insignificant for him, as long as you’re praying in his will. Thank you Jesus for providing all my needs.

BGILY

How does he do that?

It rained all day yesterday, and it looks like it's going to do the same thing today. That's unusual for Haiti. Well, I can't really say that. It's the rainy season now and I've never lived here during this time. This is probably normal but it's different then what it has been. Our little school was under water this morning. It took us and hour and a half to sweep out all the water that was on the floor. When we finally got the kids inside I didn't really know what I should be teaching them. My day had been cut short because of the weather and lack of students. (some of my kids didn't want to walk in the rain to school). But being a missionary is all about staying on your toes, I guess. Work with what you got! I rounded up what kids I did have and I taught them the story of Noah and the Ark. Kind of seemed appropriate considering the circumstances. The kids were mesmerized by the story. It shocked me how interested they were. I fight for their attention everyday. They never want to listen to my English lessons! But then suddenly God's word is being taught and they're speechless. I've rarely ever seen my kids speechless. Honestly, I didn't think it was even possible. How does Jesus do that? He's so much more interesting then I am. Lucky for me he's on my side!!

Bahaha

So I’m eating dinner with an old Haitian man tonight and we had a little bit of confusion. He looks at me and says “I have some big problem”. Translation “Mwen genyen kek gwo pwoblem”

I thought he said “Mwen genyen tet gwo pwoblem”. Translation “I have a big head problem”.

I felt so bad for the guy. I told him, “Honey, I don’t think you have a big head. It’s normal size.”

Bahahah…. He was looking at me like I was a complete idiot. Finally, someone came in that spoke English and they straighten everything out for us. I still don’t know what his problem was though.

Cross cultural communication gives me nightmares! Help me Jesus!!!!!!

Obstacles and Opportunities

No school again today! We’ve been on Easter break forever!! Seriously, it’s been almost 2 and half weeks now. These people take Holidays every time the President sneezes, I think. They told me school starts tomorrow, after I woke up at 7:00 and got ready for work….lol

Before I came to Haiti my boss told me a million times “the most important characteristic to have as a missionary is adaptability!” He said it so much it got on my nerves. Now that I’ve lived here for awhile I realize why he was saying that. If you’re the type of person that gets bent out of shape if your schedule gets disrupted then you would never make it here. You can just go ahead and throw any schedule you have out the window as soon as you get off the plane. To say this place is unpredictable is an understatement. Its one thing about Haiti that drives me crazy, but it’s also something I love. I’ve begun to love waking up each morning not knowing what God has in store for me. I never know who God wants me to meet or where I’m going to end up. Once I finally let go and trusted God the uncertainties in my life looked more like adventures rather than obstacles. His plan for each one of my days is always better then what I expected anyway.

Next time you find your schedule has been completely disrupted don’t get frustrated. Try looking at it from a different perspective. What first looks like a road block may in fact be a detour to something better. 

Happy Easter!!

I’m finally back home in Peiti Goave, Haiti. I’ve been staying with a Haitian family in a little town about an hour away from here. No running water and very limited electricity for almost two weeks. I don’t know how people survive without showers!! How am I supposed to get all the shampoo out of my hair with only a small bucket of water? It’s impossible!!! I like living more among the people though. My Creole always improves drastically every time I go there. Living so simply is challenging but very rewarding. I had a lot of time to sit and think about what my next move is going to be. I know I have to work with children. I never realized how much I need children in my life until I went two weeks without any. I was so bored! I realized I do enjoy teaching. I just think I would be better teaching in a one on one setting.  I’ve also been wrestling with the idea of volunteering at a hospital. I don’t know what I could do but I’m sure they could use an extra pair of hands somewhere.

Honestly, I don’t have some big extravagant vision about changing this entire country. I never have. For some reason I’ve always felt that God was sending me here for one child. I don’t expect to develop a huge mission organization that feeds millions of people around the world. Thank God for the people that do that. Maybe I’m not giving myself enough credit, but all I want is to be a stepping stone for someone else. I want to lift a child up and then stand back and watch God use them in a mighty way. I doubt there is going to be any great novels written about my life. But at the end of the day, when my kids lay their heads down at night, they’ll know that there’s some crazy white lady that loves them and would move to the other side of the world to show them that. Achieving that much is enough for me…. 

Lot's of Work!

I’m leaving for Lucson’s house today. Tomorrow we’ll be driving in to Port-au-Prince to pick up Cayla, Josh, and Eric from the airport. I’m so excited to spend the week with them!! I’m bringing ten boxes of rice with me so we can distribute it out to the people. I also bought 1000 doses of wormer medicine that we plan on giving the children. I just read a statistic that said 90% of Haitian children will suffer from intestinal worms at least one time in their life. That’s insane!!! And it’s completely unnecessary. It takes one little pill to cure that, and they’re not even expensive. So hopefully we can help some people on this trip. I’m really looking forward to being able to build new relationships with the people in Grand Goave while we’re working. People have to trust us before we can help them, so I’m really going to work hard at accomplishing that.

Please keep us in your prayers this week. Pray my friends have a safe flight here. I’ll keep you updated when I get back.

Next Year

It’s been 7 months now that I’ve lived in Haiti. In a way it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, but it also feels like I’ve been here forever. Lately I’ve really been thinking about the future. With my summer break fast approaching I’m wondering what next year is going to bring. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I want to be here. But where at here? And what should I do while I’m here. Somehow teaching English for another year doesn’t seem like enough. I wouldn’t mind teaching English. I just don’t think I want to do it as a full time job. I want to have the freedom to other things too. And what about my living arrangements? Right now, the place that I’m staying feels like The Hilton. I have tile floors and running water. We have a generator here that gives us electricity now almost all day. It makes me question if I could/should handle something a little more difficult. I have the option of living more among the people. Paul wrote in the bible that we should become all things to all men so that we may save a few. I understand what he’s trying to say. If I want to help the Haitians; first I have to become one. But I also fully understand now how difficult that is. Every weekend I’ve been staying  in a town called Grand Goave. There is no running water, no electricity, and no privacy. The privacy thing is the hardest. All I have is a thin white sheet to hide behind while I use the bathroom. Lord help me if I ever get sick there. Every day we have to walk down the road to get water. We fill up buckets and then carry them back. I have a toilet but I have to pour water from a bucket into it to make it flush. I don’t know how I would do that if I was sick! And having stomach problems is just a way of life here. Also the food situation is scary too. Let’s just say Haitian kitchens are a health inspector’s nightmare.  I never cared about that kind of stuff when I first moved here, but I changed my mind a little after I got food poisoning a couple times. It sucks!!

All these things make me question whether or not I can survive getting closer with these people. But Paul’s words always echo in my ear; “we must become all things to all men”.

As hard as it is every time I visit Grand Goave I can’t wait to go back. My Creole gets better with every visit. I’m a little bit more relaxed too. If God is calling me there I know he’ll give me the strength to deal with the obstacles I’ll face. Trusting him, that’s the key. Trusting and obeying….. 

We need healing!

I was sitting in the teacher’s office yesterday and one of my students came in crying. I assumed he had got into a fight or he was in trouble for something, but he said he had a toothache.  We gave him some Tylenol and sent him back to class. Later when I left the office I saw him again standing outside the school. Huge tears were running down his face. He was leaning his head against the wall jerking back and forth in pain. I hadn’t realized how much pain he was in until then. It was terrible. I didn’t know what to do. There was nothing to do. Even if I had the money there isn’t any dentist in Haiti. I prayed for him. I prayed God would take the pain away. That he would give him comfort. I hope he’s better today. God has to heal him because I don’t think toothaches will heal by themselves. It will eventually get infected and after that who knows.

Please pray for this child. He was hurting so bad! The only option we can hope for is super natural healing. I have to give this one to God. It’s his only chance….

Maybe....

Wow! It’s been a crazy week!!

We had a group from Texas come and stay at our orphanage. They had twenty people with them. The best thing about when a group comes to stay is all the great food the cooks prepare for them.  They cook spaghetti, chicken, and goat. It’s really good. Anything different from rice and beans taste amazing to me. 

Two of the days they were here we set up a free medical clinic. The first one was for all the kids that go to my school. The second was in a community about 15 minutes down the road from where I live. We set up giant tents in the middle of a field. The people came in and saw a nurse. Then we gave them a new pair of shoes and some rice. Before they left we had someone pray for them. We ended up seeing almost 100 families. I’ve done clinics before, but this one hit me a little differently. I could understand Creole enough to listen to what the mothers were saying about their babies. I guess it impacted me more to talk with people one on one and not need a translator. So many of them brought babies to us with fevers and stomach aches. Many could not sleep and were in pain. They all needed real doctors but we did the best we could for them. Never again will I complain about anything when I walk into a doctor’s office. Seeing a doctor is such a privilege. I never really understood that until now.

The last day the group was here we spent the morning at the beach.  That’s one thing I’m going to be forever spoiled about. Haiti has the most gorgeous beaches. I don’t think any other beach will ever impress me now..lol.  There is a part of me that gets so aggravated when I see the beaches here. Haiti could have such a wonderful tourist industry if they could get a decent government.  But maybe that’s why I’m here. I have to raise the next president. All it takes is one kid with the right teachings and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to grow up and change this entire country for the better. Maybe that’s why God sent me. Maybe……

That was crazy

For some reason I’ve had horrible encounters with wild animals the last few days. Last night I opened my bedroom door and there was a tarantula crawling down the hallway. Yes! A tarantula. It was big and hairy. I’ve seen them before, but only in cages. I felt so much braver when I was looking at it in a glass box. Everyone kept telling me to kill it, but how?? The thing was bigger than a mouse. It’s not like I could have stepped on it. It probably would have picked me up and threw me across the room!! Then one of my friends told me a story about his dad getting bit by one. He put his shoe on and the spider was down inside his shoe. Oh man, I’m never going to be able to put a pair of tennis shoes on again without looking inside first. And now that you’ve read this you won’t either..hahaha.

Then today after school I was sitting at our kitchen table reading a book. The kids were particularly quiet at that moment. It was a menacing kind of quiet. Three little boys approached me with the grins only little boys can pull off. They said “Miss Carrie for you”. I looked up and screamed. They had somehow managed to catch a live bird and they put it two inches from my face. The poor thing was squawking and screeching trying to get away. Then the little monsters let it go!! It started flying around the room in a total panic. I was hysterical at this point. I leaped under the table narrowly avoiding the bird’s wings as it was frantically flying around the room. Of course the children thought this was the most hilarious thing they had ever seen. After threatened them with every possible thing I could think of they caught it and I made them take it outside. By the end of it the bird and I were equally traumatized.

If God has a sense of humor (which I’ve always believed that he does) I’m sure he got a pretty good laugh out of that J

Completely Random

Last night I dreamed in Creole. It was weird. I was having conversations with people and I could understand them.  I was talking to a teacher about watching her class for the rest of the day because she was sick. It was a completely random conversation, but it’s the first one I’ve ever had in Creole. At least in a dream, anyway. 

My trip back to the states was good. I spent a week in Orlando with my dad and grandpa. It was relaxing spending a week away from all the children, but I spent the majority of my time shopping for them. I’m about ready to play Bingo with them and who ever wins gets a toy. They love Bingo!! Our games get really intense around here.

One thing that was crazy about my trip home was how I immediately felt insecure. As soon as I got off the plane I started looking at all these magazines and TV shows and I started comparing myself. Within the first hour of my arrival I was totally convinced I had to go on a diet and dye my hair. LoL. That’s insane. Now that I’m back in Haiti I could care less. I never realized how much the media affected me until I went without it.

I have a very busy month planned ahead of me. We have teams coming to stay for the entire month of March. We are doing clothing and food distribution and medical clinics. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I think we’re going to reach many people through our ministries. I'll keep you all posted on our progress

A little break

I'm staying in FL with my grandpa this week. I'm supposed to go back home Saturday. It's good to be here but I miss my kids. Earlier I was showing my family all the pictures I have of them. I've turned into that annoying parent that can't have a conversation without it turning into something about my children. I can't help it though. They're so smart and funny. I went around asking each one of them what they wanted from America. I'm using the money I had donated to me to buy them all something. Wilson, a 12 year old boy, told me he wanted jerky and a motorcycle. Hahaha. I said, "Is that all? Are you sure you don't need a jet ski too?" He's so crazy! I got him the jerky he may have to wait a few years on the motorcycle. If he was sitting on one I doubt his feet could even touch the ground. Another boy told me he wanted fruit loops. I also have to get Nike tennis shoes, a basketball, and a jump rope. It's funny to hear the random things they ask for.
I know my blog entries have become a little scarce. I'm sorry for that. The internet in Haiti has been horrible ever since I got back from Christmas break. I can log on but then after about 5 minutes it kicks me off. I can still answer my emails because I can check those over my phone. It would be a little difficult writing an entire blog with my cell phone though. It's supposed to be working soon so don't forget about me. I'll try to start posting regularly once I get back into Haiti.

Melissa's Laugh

I’ve been kind of sick for a week now. I hate that. I’m not sick enough to miss work. Just sick enough to make the day seem like it will never end. I think its allergies. This is weird because I’ve never had allergies before. Of course, I’ve never lived in Haiti before either.  My throat hurts, my nose is stuffed up, and my eyes are dry. And let me just say that I’m not going to try and pretend like I’m some tough missionary chick that never complains about anything. When I’m sick I’m the biggest baby you’ve ever seen. These poor people living with me have had to put up with my whining for a while now. Hahaha. Oh well, it should be about over. I think it has about run its course.

I found out a couple days ago that I can’t come home now until the end of June. I wanted to come home for a week during my Easter break but I don’t think I can now. There is a team coming to stay with me that week and a couple of the people on the team are from my home church. Plus that week we are going to have a free clinic for one day at the property that Soul Harvest Church purchased. It’s going to be the first ministry we do on our land. I have to be here for that. At the end of June I can come back to WV for a couple months during my summer vacation. It’s going to be weird leaving everyone for that long but I’ll enjoy the little break. I can’t even imagine how hot it will be here in July and August. I’m sure it’s miserable. I know I’ll experience it eventually but for now I’m going to go home and hide in the air conditioning when the time comes. Ya I know. I’m a wimp!

My Creole is improving significantly. I’ve been praying that God would help me with it and he really has. Now it seems like I can remember words easier. Things are sticking in my brain. I can make sentence now but it still takes me a while to think of every word. I think now it’s just a matter of practicing. I have a teacher in town helping me with grammar 3 days a week. It’s helped a lot, but he’s expensive so I can’t go to him that much longer.  My monthly budget is only $150 and I give $50 of that away to whoever needs it.  Obviously I have to be really careful with how I spend my money. This tutoring thing is a good investment now, but I can’t do it forever. Eventually I’ll have to teach myself.

This is completely random but……The kids are outside my room playing right now. I can hear Melissa over top of all of them. She is about 8 years old. I fell in love with her from the very beginning. She has a big personality; aka, she has an attitude. She’s not rude, but she does let her opinions be known. She’s got a great laugh though. I wish I could record it and put it on here. I can always hear it over all the other children. I can be having the worst day in the world and hearing that laugh will always make me smile. I’m so glad I was obedient to the Lord even when I was afraid and unsure. If I wouldn’t have been I would have never got to hear something as precious as Melissa’s laugh.  

Waiting

There wasn’t much to do last Saturday so I decided to take a trip to see Lucson the man I met on my first trip to Haiti. He lives right on the beach. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason I wanted to visit him..lol. Honestly, he’s a wonderful friend and I’ve really miss him lately. Working a full time job that’s about an hour drive away from him makes it almost impossible to be able to visit him regularly. So last Saturday was a real treat. I saw his family and I was very pleased with the fact that I was able to communicate with them a lot more then the last time I saw them. His wife and children can’t speak any English so I was forced to try out my Creole speaking skills. I think I did ok. I still have a long way to go but I’m farther then I was.

Lucson and I went and looked at the property that Soul Harvest Church has purchased. He’s been doing a lot of work on it. The land is almost entirely cleared off. We have two huge mango trees on the property, and the land is a lot bigger then I remembered. We set under the mango trees and talked for a long time about what our dreams are for the land. Lucson wants to have Bible study classes. He’s concerned about the fact that most Haitian preachers haven’t been taught enough about the Bible. They need help interpreting the scripture. I can understand his concern. I recently found out that one of the senior pastors at my church doesn’t know how to read and he has never been to any kind of Bible school. I think it’s kind of scary that a group of Haitian people are being lead by a man who has never read the word of God. I can only pray that the Holy Spirit is guiding people like that.

Personally, I don’t know what God’s plans are going to be for that land. I would like to think that it’s something so awesome it goes beyond anything I can imagine. For now I’m forced to sit back and wait for God to move. I know he will open the right doors for us at exactly the right time. In the mean time I will study Creole, play with my kids, and sit under a mango tree and day dreaming with my friend.  Sometimes waiting on God can be the hardest part……

“A task without a vision makes a drudgery;

A vision without a task makes a visionary;

A task and a vision make a missionary.”

Getting Out More Often

The children are so loud! I feel like I’m living in a house full of wild elephants!! I can’t think!

Sorry, that was just a random moment of frustration I thought I would share.

Anyway…….

Today in class I could not get my students to pay attention. I felt like I was talking to the walls. Many times I had to yell at them for doing other homework in the middle of English class. After about 15 minutes of aggravation and wanting to beat my head against the wall I came up with a plan.  They teach me Creole. I’ll teach them English. Every time they said the date in English, “Thursday January 19, 2012”. I would try to say it in Creole, “Juedi 19, Janvier 2012”. It’s difficult! Remember they have different words for the numbers too. We went back and forth like that for the remainder of the class. They kept laughing at me because I couldn’t pronounce anything right. I don’t care. I may have looked like an idiot but at least they learned something and I did too.

I’ve started taking a Creole class in town three days a week. I’m paying a Haitian teacher to tutor me for an hour each time. He’s seems pretty good and I’m sure he appreciates the extra money. Plus, it gets me out of the house for a little while. It drives me crazy being stuck in the same place day after day. For a profession that is supposed to be about traveling; I sure don’t go very many places. I guess it’s safer that way but after a while some things are worth the risk.

I plan on visiting Lucson this weekend. He lives about 45 minutes from me in a town called Grand Goave. The first time I came to Haiti I stayed with him. I wish I was able to visit him more but the gas money is expensive. Maybe when I can speak Creole better I can take a Tap Tap (Haitian Taxi) to visit him. They’re really cheap because they are really uncomfortable. It’s basically paying a man to ride in the back of his truck. Most of them have seats welded to the truck bed but they are normally so overcrowded you can’t find a seat to sit down. I guess you just hang on and pray you don’t fall off. When you want the guy to stop you just tap on the top of the truck, hints the name…Tap Tap. The day I can hop on the back of one of those and pile in with a crowd of Haitians I won’t be a tourist anymore. I’ll be 100% Haitian ;) 

Psalm 37:4

I’ve noticed over the last several months my prayers have changed drastically. I used to pray for money to pay my bills, a day off of work so I wouldn’t kill my co-workers or patience at my family reunions. Not that there is anything wrong with those prayers it’s just my surroundings have changed and so have my prayers. Today I couldn’t finish my bowl of rice and beans at lunch so I prayed God would send me someone that was hungry so I could feed them. When I walked outside the teacher’s office where I had been eating there was an old blind man standing right in front of the door. Had it not been for the look of his eyes and the cane he held I would have thought he was staring right at me. I walked up to him and placed his hands around my bowl of rice and then handed him my spoon. He whispered, “Merci, Cheri.” (Thank you, Honey).

I suppose God will give us anything we want as long as what we want is in his will.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

What a blessing!

Jan 12, was the two year anniversary of the earthquake that devastated Haiti. It killed an estimated 300,000 people and made millions homeless. Little has been done to fix the damage that was caused that day. The National Palace is still in ruins. Tent cities still consume every extra inch of space inside Port Au Prince. Help from the government is nonexistent and the aid money that was promised never arrived.   Last Thursday school was cancelled and everyone in the village gathered in our church to fast and pray. We prayed for the souls that were lost that day and for the families that remained. I silently prayed that my Haitian friends would trust God and stop living in fear. Many people are still terrified it’s going to happen again.  In fact, the following Friday only ten kids showed up for school because they were convinced an earthquake was going to hit again around the same time as before.  Nothing happened. I played color bingo with the children that did come and then I sent them home early. You would think a free meal would be an incentive to come, but I guess fear can be even more powerful than hunger.

Yesterday a mission’s team from Illinois came to stay with us for a few days. One of the girls plays violin and she played for us during our church service last night. One thing I love about being a missionary is how much I notice and appreciate things while I’m here. I’ve probably heard the sound of a violin being played a thousand times in my life, but nothing compared to the sound of it last night. I’m living in a country full of poverty, disease, and idol worshipping but hearing that violin being played took it all away for a moment. It sounded so clean. It was truly a blessing. I know the Haitian people thought so too. Even the children were awestruck by it. Anything that can keep my kids attention for more than two minutes is obviously a gift from God; not to mention a miracle….lol

  

Close to Home

For two days straight I’ve been hearing the constant beat of Voodoo drums coming from my neighbors’ houses. They’re in the back ground of every class I teach and every conversation I have. They are a constant reminder that I am not only far from home but also living in a country ruled by the enemy. I’m living on the front lines of a spiritual battle. When the drums pause I can hear the peaceful sounds of familiar hymns being sung by a nearby church. In Haiti, the battle lines are clearly drawn.

Though I have never witnessed a Voodoo ceremony for myself I’ve been told from my Haitian friends what goes on during the rituals. They continually beat their drums and dance to a strange fast paced rhythm for hours. They serve food and drink alcohol while dancing. It sounds to me like it’s just one big party but for one exception. The sole purpose of these ceremonies is to bring a possession onto a member of the party. They pray to many different “Gods” for this to take place. Once the person is successfully possessed they dance and beat their drums asking for favor and protection from the “God” who is possessing the individual.  I was told that at these ceremonies there is a constant spirit of fear in the air. I can sense it even in the Haitian Christians talking about Voodoo. I mentioned to one of my friends that I wish these people worshipping Voodoo Gods could come to know Jesus, the one true God. He said to me that if I led them to Jesus I would then be responsible for destroying their idols. By his tone I could tell he was not up to the task. Of course, I told him that God is stronger than any stupid statue. The statue consists of only medal and hollow prayers. There is nothing to fear.

 I was tutoring one of my kids this afternoon. His name is Wilson and his mother was killed during a Voodoo ceremony when he was 6 years old. While we were doing our lesson he become very quiet. After some time he looked up at me and said “Carrie, Jesus not like Voodoo.” I smiled and said, “Yes Wilson your right. Jesus doesn’t like Voodoo.” I’m so thankful that even though the enemy can be encamped all around us he still doesn’t have the power to reach my children.

Thank you Jesus for your protection!

By the way, while we were learning our colors and that apple starts with the letter “a” Wilson looked at me again and said, “Carrie, Jesus likes red apples.” Hahaha. I said, “Yes, Wilson Jesus probably does like red apples.” You may be laughing right now but I was impressed he said a complete sentence in English! Wilson’s first English sentence. I’ve never been so proud.

“Jesus likes red apples”

I wonder

We went to the market today and I got to drive home! You can’t appreciate what an awesome task that is until you come to Haiti for yourself. There are zero traffic laws here. I remember the first time I came I said I would never drive. Even if I lived here for ten years I would never drive. Well, I guess I proved myself wrong today!

Before I got behind the wheel we spent an hour waiting on a man to sell us a tire for our truck. I don’t know what was taking him so long, but that’s just how it is in Haiti. While we were parked on the side of the rode waiting I noticed a little boy watching me from the other side of a large trash ditch. He was a pitiful sight. He was so skinny. His little arms looked like tiny branches from a tree; no fat, no muscle, only bone and skin. His clothes were too big for him and very dirty. They were more like rags then clothes. He didn’t have shoes.  His hair was filthy and matted to his head. His face showed the signs of malnutrition. Signs I’ve become very familiar with in the last four months. I sat in my car watching him for a long time. He had what looked like a crude version of a kite he had made out of trash. He sat alone surround by filth trying in vain to get his kite to fly, but there wasn’t in wind in Haiti today. I turned my head for only a second to change the radio station and he was gone.

I wonder what his name was. I wonder if he had parents. I wonder if any one loves him. I wonder if he knows Jesus loves him. I wonder…….

My work begins

Everyone on the week long missions trip that I traveled with to Haiti left this morning. Their work is finished but mine has just begun. School starts Monday. Honestly, I'm not exactly looking forward to it. There is so much to be done to get that school running properly. When I think about all the challenges I'm going to face it makes my head spin. These are the times when I am most grateful I serve a God that is stronger then me. I know he makes all things work together for my good so with that promise I can relax and trust that things will get better. I know he has his hands on this country. I continually feel his presence. My job is to only remain obedient and marvel at all his wonders. Our God truly is an awesome God!!

Three Hundred More

I arrived safely in Port Au Prince yesterday morning after a two week Christmas break. When I stepped off the plane the smell of the city immediately hit my nose. This was once a smell I found revolting, but now it’s so familiar to me I can only associate it with home. When that warm tropical air surrounded me I was all smiles on the three hour car ride to the orphanage even though I spent most of that ride in the bed of the truck. It was defiantly an uncomfortable ride, but I was more than happy to be home.

Today, another group of missionaries and I packed up a grill, a ton of ketchup, and 300 hotdogs. We went to a nearby beach and cooked out all afternoon. The children came by the hundreds once the smell of cooked food was in the air. When we started someone made a quick head count and was grateful we would have enough hotdogs for everyone there. However, as soon as word got out that we were giving away free food the small beach we were at quickly became overcrowded. We had to tie ropes up to keep the huge crowd of people in order. We began passing out the hotdogs but as soon as the people saw we were out they started getting upset. I could hear the noise of the crowd growing louder as the children began yelling for more food. No one was hurt, but my heart breaks every time I’m forced to send someone away empty handed. “Mwen pa geyen” is one of the first phrases I learned in Creole. It means, “I don’t have”.  There’s never enough for everyone. One girl I was working with started to cry. It’s such a helpless feeling, but I think if we would have stood there all day giving out hotdogs we would have still turned some people away. When we got back in the truck to leave I tried reminding people that we did feed 300 kids. That’s a lot! You have to keep your mind on the positive here. It’s so important.

I remember when I first came to this country I was afraid that if I spent a lot of time here I would eventually become numb to the things I see. I thought, maybe, I would stop noticing all the suffering. I would get used to it somehow. That’s not the case. The more I’m here the more aware of it I become. My first trip I didn’t realize that all the people standing around me were seriously hungry. I didn’t know what malnourishment looked like. I just thought the children were tired. Now I know.  It’s more difficult to know, but it makes my determination to help that much stronger.

Three hundred children were fed today. That’s three hundred more than yesterday…..