Honesty

There is a young man that lives in the house with us. He has lived here since he was a child. His father was a voodoo priest, but since he was raised at our children’s home he has been a Christian most of his life. He has a very easy going personality, and he’s constantly laughing about something. I never met anyone that laughs as much as him. He also likes to tease me about not being able to speak Creole.  I suppose he thinks I should be learning faster then what I am.

The other night he and I went to pray for a sick girl that lives on our property.  She has been sick for a very long time. Despite my best efforts to stay positive, I’m really afraid that she will die soon.  I began whispering a quiet prayer asking Jesus to heal the woman’s body, and ease her suffering. As I was praying I could easily here the young man praying beside me. I cannot understand Creole very well but I could hear his emotions. He was crying out to God. He was pleading with him. Then he began to weep. He wasn’t just crying he was weeping. I stopped praying at that point and just watched him. Here was a strong, 23 year old man, down on his knees weeping. It was the most precious thing I have ever seen. It actually happened a few days ago, but it took me awhile to figure out how to put it into words.  I know the Creole word for “why” it’s “poukisa”. He said this over and over as we were kneeling beside one another. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone pray like that. It was so honest.

I’ve been thinking about the type of relationship he must have with God. He didn’t understand the situation he was facing and he was demanding answers. Is that so wrong? Is his faith any less than mine because he asked why and I did not? After seeing the purity in that man’s pray I believe now more than ever that God wants honesty more than understanding. He wants a real relationship. If you ever read the book of Psalms you can see what an honest relationship with God is. King David wrote this book and God said he was man after his own heart. David was honest. He didn’t hesitate to ask “why”. He told God exactly what he was feeling even if those feelings weren’t always appropriate. When he was angry he spoke to God. When he was sad he spoke to God. When he was confused, afraid, or lonely he spoke to God.

What are your prayers to God sound like? Is there something hidden inside of you that you think your keeping from him? Don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer. Don’t ever underestimate what God can do for you if you open up to him. He can change your heart. He can bring you peace. He can teach you how to forgive. But, you have to ask for his help first. Don’t be ashamed of what you’re feeling. That’s just the Devil trying to keep you distant. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are human and we make mistake, but we have Jesus Christ as an advocate. Your sins can be forgiven and your mind can be renewed.

“Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of the mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.”        Madeleine L’Engle