$70!!!

I went to the market today. I decided that I wanted to buy my family some Haitian artwork for Christmas this year. I figured that would be an awesome and unique gift, right? Well, I must have looked like an easier target to the merchant lady because she tried to charge me $70 for two paintings!! And believe me I wasn't attempting to buy the Mona Lisa off of her. I told her she was crazy. Sorry family looks like your getting bath and body works again this year...lol. The problem at the market is that Haitians believe that every American is rich. As soon as they see a white person coming their way they double their prices. One day I made the mistake of tagging along with the ladies that purchase everything for our feeding program. I found out later that on that particular day the cost of beans was twice as high. That's the last time I've went with them.
I think one of the hardest adjustments for me when I came to Haiti was having to depend on other people for everything  I'm still not used to it. I have to have someone drive me around, because there is no way I can drive in a place with zero traffic laws. I can't buy anything myself because I get ripped off. And, I can't even take a walk outside of our property because my white skin draws to much attention! Hopefully in the future I'll be more comfortable in this new culture, and I'll be able to do more things on my own. It all comes down to learning the language, though. I can't wait until that challenge is behind me. I've been studying every day now. I'm pretty good at reading Creole, but I still can't understand them when they talk to me. I guess, it's coming along in baby steps.....very small slow baby steps.

"Dear Jesus, help me through another day. Teach me patience, Lord. Give me the determination and passion I need to succeed here. Lord I know by teaching me to depend on others your showing me how to depend on you. I can't do everything by myself and it's useless to try. Thank you God for taking the time to mold me into the person you wish me to be....Amen "

My hardest day yet!!

I just got into the biggest knock down drag out fight with my kids! We were all having a nice afternoon. I was helping the girls write their ABC's. While the boys played basketball in the hallway with a little basketball hoop they got for one of their birthdays. T. I. Ute, a 6 year old girl, somehow got an elbow to the chin when she was walking down the hallway. Of course, she started to cry. When I was trying to figure out what happened the boys started to make fun of her for crying. They were mocking her. That made her cry even more. I told them to stop but they didn't. I said, "If you don't stop I'm taking the basketball hoop away." I threatened them three times til eventually I took the hoop and locked it up in my room. Well, at that point Nathan, a 6 year old who lives with me, absolutely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. He threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming. Then he started kicking my door! It was ugly. I just set back and watched quietly until he wore himself out. That took about 15 minutes of nonstop screaming!! When he was exhausted enough to stop I marched him up the hill to the retired missionary that lives behind our house. Nathan tried to plead his case to Poppa Bob but it didn't work. He got spanked and put in the corner.So did the rest of the boys who were involved. Plus, they had to apologize to me. I think that may have been the hardest part of all for them.
I felt so horrible getting them into trouble, but I can't let them pick on each other like that. Its not nice!!! Oh Lord help me. Do they make an instruction manual for this kind of work???
I hope they turn out to be good men and women. I know they have a hard life, but they have an opportunity here to go farther then most children in Haiti. I want them to excel. I want them to become great leaders. The first step towards achieving that goal is taking away a basketball hoop. Every child needs discipline.They have to have it or who knows what kind of people they would grow up to be. (I'm saying all this now just to make myself feel better)
Ok so maybe I'm taking this punishment thing a lot harder then them. I can already hear them outside playing and laughing again. Thank you Jesus for children.

One tough little girl

Today while I was teaching my preschool class a little girl started screaming right in the middle of "if your happy and you know it clap your hands". When I looked down I noticed she had a huge gash on her leg. One of the  kids must have bumped it while we were singing.  It was horrible looking. A whole chunk of her skin was missing. Apparently, she had been bitten by a dog. I can't teach when a child is hurt that bad. I picked her up and carried her up the hill to my house. Then I did what any self-respecting missionary would have done in that situation; I called my grandma. She told me how to clean the wound and what medicine to put on it. The little girl didn't cry once. These Haitian kids are tough! After I was finished I gave her a cookie because she was so brave. Then I carried her back to school. Hopefully, her parents can keep it clean so it doesn't get infected. I'll make sure to check on her tomorrow. Please, remember her in your prayers tonight. I have no way of knowing what dog bit her, so all I can do is pray the animal didn't have rabies.

Movie Day

We didn't have school today. It was a Haitian Holiday. All the children have been running around the house playing since 6:00 this morning. In our house we only have electricity at night. We run a big generator every night for 4 hours. This charges a set of batteries. They look just like car batteries. The batteries will gives us power in the whole house until about 7:00 in the morning. After that every thing turns off. However, there is normally enough power in the batteries to keep one outlet working in the back of the house. Its the back bedroom that has two bunk beds in it. When mission teams come and stay with us that is where they sleep. Today I plugged my computer into the outlet so I could lay on the bottom bunk and watch a movie, The Chronicles of Narina. It wasn't long until one of the kids noticed what I was doing. Wilson walked in the room and laid down beside me and started playing with my hair. Then Jean Marc, Wilson's best friend, came in and laid his head on my shoulder. After that Marinese, a 12 year old girl, crawled into the bunk and laid her head on my back so she could see the movie. Finally, Nathan, who is a tiny 6 year old, curled up around my legs and fell asleep with his head on my butt. Try to picture this scene in your head. I'm laying on the bottom of a twin size bunk bed with 4 kids laying on top of me watching a movie! It was very uncomfortable. I soon realized that I was the only one who could understand English so I switched the language of the movie so they could understand. I laid like this for two hours watching a movie in a different language! The entire time I was laying there all I could think of in my head was, "Thank you Jesus." This time last year I was very lonely. Now look at my life. I am more blessed then I could have ever imagined. All because I was obedient to God.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28

New Plans

My kids are standing at my door right now asking me for candy. My response to them was, "No you'll ruin your appetite." Its inevitable, eventually we all turn into our mothers. :(

Today was such a sad day at our little children's home. For the first time in the history of this home we had to bury one of our kids. She was 22 years old, but she had grown up in this house and was still living here when she died.. I don't really know what killed her. She had a fever for a long time. Ever since I arrived here she has been sick. They told me she was a teacher at my school and she often led the praise and worship in the church. She was a Christian, but her mother was Voodoo. Her mother was caring for her when she died. 

Her death is just another reminder to me of how desperately Haiti needs better health care. Hospitals are so far away and overcrowded that people only go to them when they become very very sick. More often then not by then its to late. But change is coming. My boss just was given deeds to a property across the street from our children's home and plans are already being put into place to start a full time clinic. God is moving in this country. With every set back he is always there to bring us more hope. For me, the future is so exciting!    

You get what you give

I haven't wrote in my blog for a few days now. I'm sorry for that. I was going to get on here and talk about how busy I've been. I had a million excuses why I haven't been able to write, but the truth is I've felt really distant from God in the last couple weeks.When I feel distant from him its hard to find the write words. He always helps me write, but I've become so busy I haven't asked for help. I've been so consumed with my job that I forgot what my job was. I think when it comes to Jesus you get what give. If you give more of your time to the Lord then you will feel more of his presence. Lately, I've been so consumed with teaching that I've forgotten to pray when I woke up. I didn't feel the affects of that at first, but after forgetting consistently I can really tell a difference in my attitude. The fact is, when I don't spend time with the Lord I get really lonely. It's a different kind of lonely. The kind you feel even if your in a room full of people. The kind only Jesus can fix. In America, I may have been able to ignore these feelings for a time. I could always find something to drowned out the noise of my own conscious, but not in Haiti. People who stray from God never last long in this country. This fact reminds me of why I'm here. I wanted to be in a position where I had to depend on him. Where the only thing I could count on to get me through the day was him. I wanted trials. I wanted to be shown my faults. I wanted to know what I needed to change. Everyday, he's showing me a little more about myself. He has shown me this week that no matter how self reliant I think I am I'm always going to need my Father; "My Abba". I'm so thankful that he has shown me the reason for all my distractions. So many people live their entire lives trying to fill the void inside of themselves. I'm so grateful I have discovered the one and only thing that will satisfy me completely.
"Thank you Jesus for making me whole. For seeking me even when I'm distracted. Thank you for you patience. I love you, Lord, because you first loved me."

Welcome to Haiti

I arrived in Haiti safely yesterday afternoon. Its usually a three hour drive home from the airport, but yesterday we ran into traffic. We got stuck in a stand still traffic jam for 5 hours. I was in the back seat of an extended cab truck with two other people and a three year old sitting on my lap. The three year old and I both fell asleep for about an hour. When I woke up I discovered she had peed all over me! I turned the light on in the truck and she's sitting on my lap looking at me with a grin on her face. I said, "Did you pee?". She said, "Nope". I think she was lying.
Waiting in a five hour traffic jam covered in pee......Welcome to Haiti.

Happy Thanksgiving

Surprise! I got to come home to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Its so good to be home, but its only day one and I'm already missing my kids in Haiti. I'm looking forward to eating some turkey on Thursday. I'll be back in Haiti by Friday night, and I'll continue writing my blog then.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Remember to thank God for all you have!

Pole Town U.S.A.

I did not write this. I read it in a text book for a bible course I'm taking. While I was reading it I felt God tell me to put this in my blog. I don't understand why he would want this story in my blog, but I don't understand many things God does. I stopped asking questions a long time ago. I just do it...

The Great Commission… and Pole Town U.S.A.

The old wooden bridge, some 75 feet in length arches over the railroad tracks and separates “Pole Town” from the rest of Grand Saline, Texas. As a divider the bridge is highly effective.

“Nobody,” a Pole Town resident once said. “Nobody crosses that bridge unless they live over here.”

On at least one issue Grand Saline is in agreement: If ever God needed to do a work. He needs to do one in Pole Town. In a dry county, Pole Town is where the liquor is. That is where the drugs are, and much of the merchandise taken in burglaries on the north and west ends of Grand Saline, finds its way to Pole Town.

Even Pole Town agrees: “We need prayer over here, God knows!”

God may know it but apparently The Body of Christ does not. In Pole Town there are no churches, no missions, no missionaries, no revival meetings, and no visiting preachers. There is no evidence that any of God’s children are in on the secret: The Kingdom of God needs to go to Pole Town.

There is a church in Grand Saline that will contribute $20,000 to mission efforts and in other areas of the United States this year. Not a dollar will be sent to Pole Town. Not even a little bit of gas for the van that picks up kids in other parts of town. Not that it would help, particularly, to send the van through this neighborhood.   

“Those people in Pole Town don’t trust us,” a church deacon commented, “and let’s face it we don’t trust them.”

If tradition were to continue undisturbed, not one hand would be lifted, not a foot would fall in the name of Jesus this year- not in Pole Town.

“Go…teach all nations…”

How did Pole Town come to be excluded from our obedience to this instruction from Jesus? Could it be that it’s easier for us to believe that God can help the African heathen, whose sins, being farther away, appear reasonably manageable; but that it’s nearly impossible for us to believe God can help the Pole Town heathen, whose sins are reeling at the back door, big and ugly?

Fact is, when Jesus gave us the news- “You shall be witnesses unto me”- He put the back door mission field first.

“In Jerusalem,” He said.

Right here at home, and in all Judea, that’s the surrounding cities, and in Samaria, that’s the surrounding counties which border our Judea. Because the emphasis was placed by Jesus on a geographical area no more than 55 miles from Jerusalem every believer could be a missionary involved in the fulfilling of the Great Commission because the emphasis was placed at our back doors. Sure, we’re to be involved in the “uttermost part” of the world, but we have to start with our Jerusalem.

“Pole Town.” It is Jerusalem. It’s our responsibility. It belongs first to the believers who live here in Grand Saline.

“We need to find out how many of these people are unchurched,” one Christian man said. “We need a religious census”

“We need a committee,” a Christian woman said. “Somebody to organize a visitation plan.”

What’s needed is one person, one heart that loves, two hands to reach out, one mouth to speak, and two feet to walk the bridge. What about me? Pole Town is my Jerusalem, too, and the bridge is only 75 feet in length. What about my eyes, my heart, my hands, my mouth, and my feet? And what about your Pole Town? Have you taken a good look at it lately?

What are you doing to reach it? Or, will you try and sooth your conscience with a mission check to the uttermost part of the world?

These children are different.

Ahhhh!!!!! I have the hardest job in the history of the world!!
The children decided that the didn't want to learn English today. I told them to write their vocabulary words and they drew pictures of funny faces and made paper airplanes to throw at each other. Its so difficult trying to control them when they get like that. People keep giving me all kinds of great advice on what to tell the kids so they will do what I want them to do. Only one problem; I can't tell the kids anything because we don't speak the same language. How do you control a class room full of unruly children if they can't understand you? If anyone has any advice feel free to email me a solution.
I feel like I complain a lot when I write this blog. I don't mean to. I really do love my job, and I know the children love me. Children are just difficult sometimes. I always have to remind myself that these children are different from American children. They don't have any support system at home. No one is helping them with their homework or making sure they go to bed on time. In Haiti, kids are pretty much left to raise themselves. The adults are always to busy just trying to survive. They don't have time to be attentive parents. So that leaves me with an entire school of rebellious students that are craving attention.  Some days I want to scream and yell and throw my hands in the air in defeat. Some days I look around me and I just want to cry. But most days I know the best thing to do is stop for a short moment and just give one child a hug. Even if its just one child. Even if it's just one hug. That's more then they would have got if I would have given up and went back to America. That's what keeps me going when things seem impossible. Even if no one learned any English today, at least, they know I'm coming back tomorrow and I'm not going to leave them. I'll just have to be the support they don't find at home.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow."    ~Mary Anne Radmacher

Alicha

I'm having serious writer's block with my blog, lately. I've got into a steady routine now. Its just working with the kids and doing the same things every day. It's not that its ever boring, but sometimes there is not much to talk about.
Oh I know! I'll tell you about a little girl I've fallen in love with. Her name is Alicha. She is three years old and the sweetest baby you have ever seen in your life! There is many children around me that I love, but I could seriously adopt this one if it were possible. I don't know why she is so different to me. We just connected some how. She always comes and sits with me during church. Many times when I am teaching a class I'll look over and she'll be standing at the door waving at me. I can't figure out how she keeps sneaking out of class to find me. Every time I bring her back the teachers looking at me like, "How in the world did she get out again?".
I found out her story the other day. He mother has two children by two different men. Neither one of them help her at all. She has no job and no education. She is living with her mother, but recently her mother told her she wants her to move. She has no where to live with her babies. I don't know what to do. I want to help her, but I don't know how. One of my Haitian friends told me today that if I asked her for Alicha she would give her to me. That made me so sad. I know her mother loves her very much she just can't afford to take care of her. I wish I could do more. I wish I could take care of all three of them.
I worry about Alicha all the time. She is in my school so I know she gets at least one plate of rice everyday. But I don't know what she's eating on the weekends. She's always very quiet in the mornings. I thought it was because she was still half asleep when she came to school. However, I've noticed lately that her mood changes drastically after snack time. Maybe she's not tired. Maybe she's hungry. 
Please, pray with me. Pray that God will give me a solution. He knows the best way to help this family. I'm praying that he can use me to help them.

New Idea

I went into town today. We had a whole list of things to buy. It was good to get out of the house for awhile.  I bought a bag of Doritos while I was there. They were good, but now my stomach hurts. My poor body just can’t handle American food anymore. Makes me wonder what they put in that stuff!  It happens to me every time I eat any American snack. 

I’ve figured out a better way to teach the children at my house. Before, I would try and round all the kids up after school. I would say, “It’s time for English class.” The kids would come and sit at our dining room table moping and complaining that they wanted to go play. They didn’t like school! So the other day I just asked a couple of the kids if they wanted to write with me. We sat down and started writing our names and the days of the week. When the rest of them saw what we were doing they all wanted to join in. Then before I knew it they were asking me questions about what certain things in the room were called in English. I would tell them and then they would ask me to write it down so they could try and copy it. It worked great! Every time I would write the days of the week down I would say them as I was writing. So the kids were hearing them being said over and over again. They learned them and they had no idea they were even in class.

Hahaha. I manipulated their little minds and they didn’t even know..lol. 

 I’m going to keep that up for as long as I can. Hopefully they won’t catch on. 

Doubt

"Doubt" A word never spoken of in churches. A word most Christians dare not whisper. None of us have doubts, right? All of us are 100% sure 100% of the time that God is watching over us. That he is in control.  That he cares what happens in our day to day lives.  All of us are that confident.

I wish I had no doubts...

Yesterday, I found an infant all alone, naked, and crying in the dirt. When I picked her up a single thought raced through my mind, "Does God see this?"

I'm not going to pretend like I have some kind of rock solid faith that can move mountains. Most days my faith couldn't even move a pebble.  

My doubts about Jesus used to plague me. They consumed every thought I had. Only a short time ago I would lay awake at night for hours wondering how close God really was to us. How much was he involved in our insignificant lives? Does he really care enough to intervene? I eventually reached a point where I was tired of asking. I broke down and admitted everything to God. I told him I didn't understand him.  I told him I doubted him. I told him nothing he does makes any sense to me. Then I felt God say, "That's OK. If you understood everything I did then I wouldn't be your God." At that moment I realized it's not my doubts that keep me from God it's the way I handle my doubts. I promised him that day that I would love and serve him despite my uncertainties. Now I know that having faith means believing in something even through my constant changing mood swings.  

Today, I'm not ashamed of the fleeting doubts that pass through my mind. I've come to terms with my own weaknesses. My insecurities have actually brought me closer to Jesus. Without doubt I would have never started searching for truth. I would have never cried out to God for explanations, and he would have never answered me. Many times I have asked God for wisdom and understanding and many times he has given it to me. But, when the answers don't come and I am left still questioning I don't give up. I don't get discouraged. The beauty of the Bible is that there is always something else to learn. I'm always excited for tomorrow because I never know what truths God may place in my heart.

Through my experiences in Haiti I've learned to never rely on how strong my faith is. Instead I rely on how strong my God is...

"Faith is not just "believing"; faith is relating yourself to a person. If I comment myself to a chair, it is not the strength of my commitment that holds me up, but the strength of the chair."     ~C.S. Lewis~

Culture Shock

I walked in my house today and there was a giant dead pig laying in a wheel barrel sitting in my dinning room. I calmly asked my Haitian family, "Why is there a dead pig in a wheel barrel sitting in our house?" They answered, "If we put it outside the dogs may eat it and were planning on cooking it for dinner tonight."

If anyone wants to lose weight you can come visit me in Haiti. I guarantee the pounds will fall right off of you :)

He came through

I just got my hair braided by four little girls. I took pictures of it, but I look so silly I don't want to post them..lol.
The girls thought it was hysterical. I normally don't let the little kids play with my hair because they always pull on it, but I gave in today. They love fixing it and brushing it. I guess because it feels different then their hair.
My health has been so much better the last two days. My attitude has improved greatly too. Thank you Jesus for getting me out of that rut!
Last week was honestly one of the hardest weeks of my life. I was sick and tired and I felt like I had no one to turn to. Everything around me is different. I felt like I was living on another planet. But then I realized Jesus was not different. No matter where I go or what changes He always stays the same. He's the same now as he was at the very beginning of creation. Last week, that thought gave me so much comfort.
I feel like I'm closer to Him now. When I had no one else to lean on. When I had no one else to cry to I went to God. I asked for courage and comfort and protection, but mostly I just sat quietly and told him I loved him. I told him I needed him. I told him I trusted him. After that I was comforted. He pulled me up out of the sour mood I was in and now I have twice as much strength to keep going. I have twice as much passion for my work. I have twice as much patience with my children. I'm finally at the place now that I have energy after school to tutor extra children. I'm starting to develop a routine  now, and it feels like every things running a lot smoother.
There is no way I could be doing any of this if it wasn't for the strength God has given to me. All the glory goes to Him. Last week if I wouldn't have ended up on my knees I would have ended up on a plane home. I didn't give up though. I looked towards God for help, and just like always He came through.

Show me what to do.

Wow! This week has been brutal. Haiti defiantly knows how to separate the men from the boys..lol.

I started with a stomach flu. It wasn’t that bad. It only lasted for a couple days, but the recovery has been a killer. I’m assuming that I didn’t have enough vitamins in my system to begin with and then when I got sick and couldn’t eat I was completely drained. I started getting really dizzy and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. The other day I was playing color bingo with the children. I had to stop because every time I tried to call out the colors I would hesitate because I couldn’t remember the names! I was really out of it. I felt like I was drunk! I’m taking multivitamins now and its helping a lot. I’m eating a plate of rice for lunch and a plate of rice for dinner every day. I’m not getting much of a variety, but there aren’t many choices when you’re living in a third world country.

Yesterday, afternoon when I was feeling particularly run down I went to my room and just cried. I cried for all the children I’ve seen with that look of hungry on their faces. It’s a look of utter exhaustion. It’s a look I haven’t even tried to understand until this week. It’s something I barely noticed.

I thought I knew what hungry was. I’ve said many times, “I’m starving!” when I could feel my belly rumbling. But that is not real hunger. Hunger sets in when your stomach no longer ask for food. Hunger is weakness, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, and confusion. Hunger is desperation. However, maybe the realization that has broken my heart the most this week is that these symptoms are not cured by one plate of rice.  I’ve been eating well and taking vitamins for four days now and I still have a headache. Consistency is the only thing that stops the appalling effects of hunger. Before when I would see a child suffering I would hand them a plate of food and feel like I had accomplished something. I never stopped to think, that child will be hungry again in a few hours…..

“Jesus, help me! The problems are so big and I feel so small.  Teach me to focus on the little victories. Teach me to focus on the individuals. Help me to help them one person at a time. Oh Lord, my heart is broken. Give me the strength to continue.  Give me the determination to never give up even when things seem impossible. I know nothing is impossible for you. Now that you’ve opened my eyes, Lord, show me what to do next. Amen”

Honesty

There is a young man that lives in the house with us. He has lived here since he was a child. His father was a voodoo priest, but since he was raised at our children’s home he has been a Christian most of his life. He has a very easy going personality, and he’s constantly laughing about something. I never met anyone that laughs as much as him. He also likes to tease me about not being able to speak Creole.  I suppose he thinks I should be learning faster then what I am.

The other night he and I went to pray for a sick girl that lives on our property.  She has been sick for a very long time. Despite my best efforts to stay positive, I’m really afraid that she will die soon.  I began whispering a quiet prayer asking Jesus to heal the woman’s body, and ease her suffering. As I was praying I could easily here the young man praying beside me. I cannot understand Creole very well but I could hear his emotions. He was crying out to God. He was pleading with him. Then he began to weep. He wasn’t just crying he was weeping. I stopped praying at that point and just watched him. Here was a strong, 23 year old man, down on his knees weeping. It was the most precious thing I have ever seen. It actually happened a few days ago, but it took me awhile to figure out how to put it into words.  I know the Creole word for “why” it’s “poukisa”. He said this over and over as we were kneeling beside one another. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone pray like that. It was so honest.

I’ve been thinking about the type of relationship he must have with God. He didn’t understand the situation he was facing and he was demanding answers. Is that so wrong? Is his faith any less than mine because he asked why and I did not? After seeing the purity in that man’s pray I believe now more than ever that God wants honesty more than understanding. He wants a real relationship. If you ever read the book of Psalms you can see what an honest relationship with God is. King David wrote this book and God said he was man after his own heart. David was honest. He didn’t hesitate to ask “why”. He told God exactly what he was feeling even if those feelings weren’t always appropriate. When he was angry he spoke to God. When he was sad he spoke to God. When he was confused, afraid, or lonely he spoke to God.

What are your prayers to God sound like? Is there something hidden inside of you that you think your keeping from him? Don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer. Don’t ever underestimate what God can do for you if you open up to him. He can change your heart. He can bring you peace. He can teach you how to forgive. But, you have to ask for his help first. Don’t be ashamed of what you’re feeling. That’s just the Devil trying to keep you distant. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are human and we make mistake, but we have Jesus Christ as an advocate. Your sins can be forgiven and your mind can be renewed.

“Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of the mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.”        Madeleine L’Engle 

Feeling Better

Its a Haitian Holiday so no school for two days!!! The children were up bright and early ready to play this morning. As I'm writing this I have a group of little girls sitting on my bed playing games on my iPhone. It took the Haitian children about 5 minutes to figure out how an iPhone works, and to fall in love with it. They even figured out that you can go online and buy more games. They keep asking me to buy some for them. I'm trying to explain to them that most of the games they are choosing cost money, but I don't think they understand. They just stick their bottom lip out and say, "Please, Ms. Carrie". How am I supposed to say no to that?? I apologize to any of you sending me donations. I'm afraid some of your money has been used to buy race car games on my phone.
My health is 100% better today. I had a horrible stomach flu for 4 days. Haiti is not the place you want to be when your stomach is sick. It took me twice as long to recover from it because of the heat and the food they kept trying to get me to eat. There isn't many options here when it comes to food. Goat soap is not a good idea if you already have nausea to begin with!! I survived though. I'll remember this day. Its my first sickness as a missionary. If I'm anything like the rest of the missionaries I've met there will be many more illnesses to come. But I don't mind that. Its safer to be sick while doing God's will then to be healthy doing something else. Besides, I had plenty of Haitians praying for my recovery. There's no way someone can stay sick for that long with so many prayer request going up. One day the entire church came to my door and sang hymns for me. It was precious. Everyone was asking me if I was going to leave them. They said, "Surely, you will not stay in Haiti if you are this sick." I kept trying to reassure them that I wasn't going anywhere, but I could tell they were still worried. Its an amazing thing to see how much they appreciate me being here. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect to become so close to these people so quickly. God has truly blessed my life.     

Fascinating Discovery

There is a soup that I have been eating since I arrived in Haiti. I assumed it was some kind of vegetable soup because I could see carrots and tomatoes in it. It also had these little things that tasted like dumplings. Yesterday, while eating this soup I realized what the source of it's unique tastes was. There was a goat's head resting in the bottom of the stew. Yes, you read that correctly...A GOAT'S HEAD. The head of a goat, brains and all, floating around in the soup that I have been eating for 2 months now.

I'm not going to write anything else in this blog. Nothing else needs to be said.

Teach me to love.

I’m sick in a third world country…..not cool!

I’ve been lying in bed all day. Since I have no TV this has given me a lot of time to think. That’s a scary thought, I know.  I was thinking about all the times in our lives when we tell people “God is good”. When the weather is just perfect for our church picnics we announce “God is good”. When a doctor tells us we have perfectly healthy children we remember that God is good. When we see our church being over flooded with new members we never forget to tell one another, “God is good”.

These things are all true. God is good at these times, but he is also good while I’m lying here sick in bed. He is good when a Haitian child suffers from malnutrition. He’s good when death takes away our loved ones. He’s good when we are diagnosed with cancer. And, he is still good even if we die of cancer.

C.S. Lewis once said, “A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word “darkness” on the walls of his cell.”

I have decided that the suffering I see every day will not determine to me whether or not my God is good. There is suffering because there is sin. We cry out to God so often saying, “Lord, why will you not stop this madness?” I have heard people say that if God was so good then he would never allow such horrible things to take place. Ask yourself this….How should he stop it? If we are the ones causing the problems then the only solution is to somehow stop us.  He could destroy us? He could take away our free will. God must be love because he obviously has not done this. Instead of getting rid of the problem he did something that is almost inconceivable. He forgave us. He sent his son to die for us. I still can’t understand why he would do such a thing. Most of my life I refused to believe it. We are such unlovable creatures. Surely, this story is a myth. No one could love like that. It’s impossible. But Jesus did. Not only does he love, but he came here to teach us how to love.  I have come to understand that without God we have no idea how to love each other correctly. That’s why so many marriages end in divorce. That’s why many children grow up resenting their parents.  We’re ignorant of love without God. Lately, I’ve began asking him every day, “God teach me to love”. I’m challenging you to do the same. Every time you’re angry at someone, or hurt, or disgusted quietly ask God to teach you to love. He is the author of love. He wrote the owner’s manual for it. Doesn’t it make since to go directly to the source for advice?    

Its hot!!!

Lord help me!!! This country is so hot I think my brain is boiling!!! My little battery powered fan is no match for the heat today. I've been sweating since 8:30 this morning and I just can't seem to cool off. Normally it's not this bad. I don't know what the deal is today. I took a cold shower right after school and tried to take a nap but I was still too hot. Now I have less then a hour before I have to start tutoring the children living with me.
I'm praying the sun will set early tonight.
Oh ya... just a little advice, if a Haitian ever serves you lime juice be sure to drink it sparingly. That stuff is so good I've been drinking 2 or 3 glasses everyday. But apparently there is a lot of citrus acid in limes that can potentially cause mouth sores. I have 8 sores in my mouth right now!!!!! It hurts!!! Please pray it doesn't get any worse or I won't be able to talk. That will make teaching English a little difficult.

Wow, I've complained a lot in this blog...lol. Sorry people sometimes a girl just has to vent.  
Maybe I should start trying to focus on the good and not the bad. Let me try.....

I got to eat lunch today. I have a bed to sleep in. I have running water in my house. I got to eat a half a pack of M&M's earlier. All of my children are healthy. All of my children are able to attend school. All of my children told me they loved me after dinner last night. This morning I was able to give all of my children a new pencil to use in class. I got to see each one of them smile and say 'Thank you" before they left for school today.

God is still good even when its hot outside ;)

Back to Normal

Todd came to visit last week and he brought a team with him to help out. They planted a garden, nursed a very sick young lady, and painted the inside of my house. One man also came down to help get the school organized. Thank you Jesus! Things are running a lot smoother than they were.  They also brought me a ton of chocolate. The children and I have been snacking on miniature snickers bars after dinner every night.  The candy is gone now though. Chocolate never last long in this house.

I’ve noticed that it always takes me a day or two to adjust back to normal life after Americans come to visit. While they’re here I get used to speaking in English and eating foods other then rice and beans.  I also get to have two fans in my room when I have guest staying with me. Haitian animals are very noisy at night, and with two fans I can’t hear anything. But my week of being spoiled has come to an end. Life will return to normal for me. We have church tonight and this service won’t be translated into English. If I listen closely I might be able to understand a little of what’s being said.  

My progress with the Creole Language has come to a standstill. Once school started I had to force everyone to speak English to me. It helps them, but it has made me lazy. The better they become at English the less I have to communicate in Creole. I have to be more self motivated when it comes to studying. That is the hardest part for me here. Unfortunately, self motivation with anything is not my strong point. And as a missionary you have to have a ton of it to get anything done here. That’s just something in my personality that God and I are going to have to change.

“Thank you Jesus, for giving me the determination that brought me to Haiti. Thank you, for placing that desire in my heart. But I need more of you, Lord. I need your help every day I’m here. Every time I leave school I need your motivation to keep me going. Lord, you know after I work at the school I continually want to escape to my room for privacy. Don’t let me do that. Give me enough energy so that I may help the children finish their homework before dinner. Give me the energy to tutor every person who has come to me and asked for help. Please, give me patience when the children don’t seem like they care to learn. Help me to remember they are only children. Help me to learn they’re language, Lord. When they cry I cannot comfort them. When they make mistakes I cannot correct them. Help me to understand them. Help them to understand me. Thank you Jesus, for your guidance. For showing me the faults in my own life. For correcting me when I’m in the wrong. For taking the time to shape me into something better. I love you, Lord. In your name I pray. Amen.”   

My testimony

I know this is long, but I felt like it was time to share my story.....

I grew up going to church. As a kid I knew all the bible stories and songs, but they were always just stories. I never really knew Christ on a personal level. As I got older I began distancing myself from God. I was too absorbed in myself to care about the matters of a man that lived 2000 years ago. Besides, I was far too concerned with what satisfied me today then what may await me in eternity. By the time I graduated from high school my entire life had been consumed by drug addiction. No one can fully understand the strength the devil can have on a person until you feel his grasp personally. Thankfully, my God is stronger than he is. At 22 years old I was in an emergency room listening to a doctor tell me if I didn’t stop using drugs I would die.  A few days later, in a tiny back office of a rehab, I quietly asked God to help me. I prayed he would carry me because I could no longer walk. Through his unexplainable mercy He healed me. I’ve been sober for almost three years. Thank you Lord, for my freedom!

            About a year after I got sober I decided to try going to church again. I started attending Soul Harvest Church because my family had been going. I never once felt judged by anyone. In the beginning I kept coming back because I liked the music, but I had a hard time understanding why everyone was so excited during praise and worship. I had never had a close relationship with God, and to be perfectly honest I often doubted whether Jesus of Nazareth was the Messiah. I’ve always been a bit of a doubting Thomas. I wanted proof and historical facts before I committed to something so important. Like Thomas, I wanted to see the scars on Jesus’ hands before I believed. Fortunately for me, Jesus knows my heart and the way my mind works. With the help of a supportive church family, a very patient Pastor, and many biblical books Jesus began showing me the truth. He was the promised Messiah, and he had conquered death.

“For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.”

            ~Proverbs 2:6~

           

That following spring I was baptized. Shortly after my baptism I visited a doctor where I learned my liver was no long functioning properly. After a blood test I was diagnosed with Hepatitis.  I was in shock. I had just given my life over to the Lord. How could he have let this happen? Through many long nights of prayer I began to realize it wasn’t God’s fault I was sick it was mine. I had fallen away from God and these were the consequences of my actions. Once I took responsibility for my own mistakes things became a lot easier. Instead of arguing with the Lord I asked for forgiveness, and I found my peace.

            Eventually Jesus led me to a wonderful doctor who could offer me treatment. The treatment was injections once a week for a year. It was said to be extremely hard to handle. The medicine had many horrible side effects, and it could be compared to chemo therapy. Fevers, vomiting, weight loss, hair loss, and anemia was just a few of the risks. Plus, the treatment was only 50% affective. To say the least, I was scared. I knew I had to put my faith in God.

            The first night I gave myself an injection I was shaking so badly I could barley hold the needle. I went to bed that night thinking the next morning I would be extremely sick, but I wasn’t. I felt perfectly fine. I even had enough energy to walk my dog. The doctors told me it may take awhile for the medicine to build up in my system. I spent some time waiting to become sick, but the sickness never came. Within two weeks of taking my first injection my liver was normal and the virus was completely gone. They gave me many more test, but couldn’t find anything wrong. God had healed me quickly and painlessly! My doctors were amazed. They said no one had ever responded so well to this treatment. I continued taking the medicine for the remainder of the year. Besides a little fatigue now and then I was perfectly healthy the entire time.

            Looking back, I’m thankful for the experience I went through. Because of the treatment I was forced to be still and trust him. I spent an entire year focusing completely on God. He taught me a great deal about myself. I had the opportunity to reflect on my life and I began to realize what God had been leading me to do all along. He intended for me to become a missionary. When I accepted this everything else in my past began to make more sense. Many of the struggles I had faced now had meaning. I finally found my purpose, and I had never been so thankful for anything before.

            At first, I didn’t know where I was supposed to go or how I was going to get there. This was very frustrating. I knew I was supposed to help people, and time just seemed to be slipping away. I decided I had to do it on my own. I couldn’t wait around forever. Besides, no one was going to just walk up to me and offer a free trip to a third world country. I looked up mission organizations on the internet and filled out application after application. Every time I contacted a company I got the same response, “No”.  They would tell me I wasn’t qualified, I needed more education and experience, or I hadn’t been a true Christian long enough. It seemed hopeless. Finally I went to God. I told him of my frustrations and asked for his help. After I finally gave into him he pointed the way for me. My Pastor invited me on a weeklong mission trip to Haiti. He said the church would pay for everything. Isn’t God amazing!

            While I was in Haiti one of our team members missed her flight due to bad weather. Through a serious of unplanned events she met and introduced me to my future boss. Todd was running an orphanage about an hour away from where we were staying. He invited us to his school where we learned he needed a full time English teacher. From the moment he said he needed help I knew God had led me to him for that reason. I volunteered for the job immediately.

I’m now living in Fond Doux, Haiti. I made an agreement with Todd that I would spend  one year here, but I can’t imagine ever leaving now. In just a short amount of time I have found my new home. My place in this world has always been Haiti. I can see now that God had this planned from the beginning. There was always a small part of me that felt out of place in America. There was always something inside of me that wanted more out of life. Now, I don’t need anything more then what God gives me here. I’m not searching for answers or proof in the existences of Jesus. All of that seems so pointless now. I have my proof every time I hear one of my children tell me they love me. I have my proof every time I’m able to give a hot plate of food to a hungry mother and baby. In Haiti, every time the wind blows through my hair and cools me off I find all the proof I need.

            Because I have obeyed God and I am fulfilling his purpose for my life everything I do feels like worship. I work hard every day to show my children that I love them. This I do so that I may honor the Lord. You can’t imagine the joy He has placed in my life because I simply do what he asks of me. I can’t describe my happiness. I won’t even try. Something’s are meant to be felt and not said.

            I hope that by writing this some of you may follow in my footsteps. I pray others can learn from my example. I don’t believe everyone is suppose to travel to far away countries, but I do believe we are called to abandoned are own ambitions and following Christ. He is calling on us all to love and to teach others to love. If everything is right with him then the love inside of you will pour out into the rest of the world. And if you receive his love and make that commitment to follow him then nothing in this world should be able to stop you from sharing your faith. What a gift He has given you. What precious knowledge you possess. Remember, God has placed his faith in us as well. The amount of faith he has for us surely goes beyond our own understanding.  He gambled on us. Trusting in people so completely that he gave us the awesome responsibility of keeping and sharing his Word. It is only through us that others may know him. How will the world ever know love if we as Christians do not show them? We have all been called. I pray you open your hearts and answer that call….     

Its to loud!!

I can look back on all the times when I thought I was stressed out and laugh at myself. I had no idea what stress was until I came to Haiti! 

Trying to teach in my school is near impossible. There is so much work that needs to be done with the basic structure of the school system. The teacher's schedules are all different. The times that each class begins changes everyday. The children get up and walk around the school whenever they feel like it. There is no order! And don't even get me started on the noise! 

I have a CD player that I'm supposed to use to teach the children the alphabet. It sings the alphabet song with music behind it. The school is so loud that if I turn the music up full blast the students in the front row can not hear what its saying. I have to yell (not talk but yell) my lessons at the kids for them to hear me. My throat is sore from talking so loud all day. We have 270 children packed into a tiny building like sardines. Its so hot that the poor preschoolers just cry all day. And what makes it most difficult is the Haitian people just accept this. They are not the type of people who will see a problem and then work to fix it. They just accept what is given to them and they don't complain. This is a good quality to have with many things in life, but not with our school systems. They have to improve or the children will never learn.   

I went on break at 10:30 and thought to myself, "I can't do this. Its impossible. Its to stressful." It took everything I had not to break down in front of everyone. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw my hands in the air and give up. But then, right at that moment, a breeze picked up. I could see the leaves start to move in the tree I was standing under. In Haiti, the wind never blows where I live. I think this wind was different. It was cool air sent from God just for me. I closed my eyes and remembered why I was teaching. "This I do because I'm in love with Jesus Christ." I asked him to give me strength, and somehow I made it through the rest of the day with a smile on my face. I gave every child the best I had today. 

After school I crawled to my room. I slept for three hours straight! I think my mind was more tired then my body. I didn't want to move. I couldn't move!! Its was the kind of exhausted feeling that makes you think your getting sick.Then I heard a little voice outside my bedroom door......

"Ms Carrie, Ou prale legliz?" ( Ms Carrie are you going to church?)

"Wi Bebe, map vini." (Yes baby, I'm coming)

"OK Ms, Carrie. I love you"

"I love you too"

No matter how stressful things are I'll never leave Haiti. This is my home.

God's Children

We were made so we could love God, but also, so that God may love us.

The Light in the Dark

 God has been placing a burden on my heart for the church I attend here in Haiti. I watch all the men running the services, and I know what good Christian men they are. They want to serve the Lord. They love God very much, but they are missing something. In our church they never have alter calls. I have never seen anyone accept Jesus into their life. I have never seen anyone baptized. They have no desire to evangelize. Aren’t we as Christians called to serve others? Aren’t we required to love our neighbors? I believe the greatest way to express that love is by sharing our faith. If I truly love my neighbor how can I sit back and watch them live a life absent from God? I know the joy Christ has given me because I serve him. What kind of person would I be if I did not explain to other people how they can feel that same joy? This is what I want my Haitian church to understand. They are more concerned with religious ceremony then with reaching the lost.  There are so many people in Haiti searching for hope. We have the answer. What a horrible sin that would be if we spent our lives keeping that knowledge to ourselves.

I am a woman, and God has been trying to teach me about humility, meekness, and submission. Most of the woman in the Bible that are praised had quiet gentle spirits. This is what I desire to have. Nothing will get done if I parade around the church pointing my finger at people and barking orders. My goal is to make simple suggestions in casual conversations. I’ve become very close with the men that help Pastor our church and I spend a lot of time talking to them.  They always enjoy talking about God and the Bible so it will be easy to bring up the subject of our church. Maybe somehow I can at least make suggestions that will cause them to reconsider their methods. I just want to open there eyes and see the people around them. They have lived in Haiti their entire lives so they do not see the need here as I do. This is just the way the world is to them. Suffering is a part of life. I have to teach them that the only way they will see change is if we change people’s hearts. And the only way we can change people’s hearts is if we teach them about Jesus. There is no other way accept through Jesus. He is a light in the dark…..

I taught them that!!

I'm feeling much better.
 A couple of American men are staying with us for a few days. I've never met them, but they seem really nice. When American's come and visit the Haitians always try to be as hospitable as possible. When they arrived last night the women prepared spaghetti for dinner. I got to eat it to. I filled my plate up twice! It was so good to have a belly full of American food. Sometimes I just crave anything familiar to home. 
We hosted a Saturday club for the kids today. I didn't run it, but I helped serve lunch. The American's brought us PB&J so all the kids got a sandwich and grape Kool-aid. They were happy! Right before we started eating I told the kids we had to pray before we ate. To my surprise a group of little girls I know well stood up and started singing "Jesus Loves Me" in English. I was so proud. I taught them that!!
Even though there are some challenges living here....it so worth it!!!
Thank you Jesus for giving me encouragement at actually the right time.

A hard day

I faced a hard day today. I went to school at 7:15 just like every other day, but on this day the heat really got to me. I don't think it was any hotter then it has been. I just didn't have the patients for it today. I was very tired when I woke up this morning and then, on top of that, I skipped breakfast. Big mistake. The heat and lack of sleep made me so sick I had to retreat to my bedroom. I laid in front of my fan all afternoon and did not teach at all. At about 3:00 I got up and ate some boiled eggs. After that I started feeling a little better so I decided to tutor a couple of the kids in the house.
I feel like such a wimp right now. I watch the Haitian people work so hard in the heat with little to no food and it amazes me. I don't know how they do it! I've only been teaching for two weeks and I am more tired then I've ever been in my life. I hope one day I can be half as strong as the Haitian women I see everyday. They are such an inspiration to me.
I am praying that the Lord will give me the strength I need to continue. These children deserve the very best I have to give them.
I try to always remember this teaching......"The point of our lives in this world isn't comfort but training and preparation for eternity. Scripture tells us that even Jesus learned obedience through suffering and if that was true for him, why wouldn't it be even more true for us?"

So Tired!!

Oh my! Teaching these kids is the most tiring thing I’ve ever done. I feel like I could sleep for a hundred years. I have to have so much energy in every class it’s almost impossible. Plus, its 4000 degrees outside!!!! Well, maybe not 4000 but it is 90 degrees. And, for your information, 90 degrees feels a lot different when you can never retreat to the air conditioning. I’m doing better with it now then I was at first. I think my body has adjusted some, but it’s still really hot. I sweat all day long. Yuck!

The kids at school seem to really like my class; especially the little ones.  They think its fun because I play games and sing songs with them. I don’t think they’ve ever done that in school before. However, the school here is like a mad house. I have no idea how they learn anything. It’s so loud! There aren’t any walls. Just thin ply wood dividing each class. I’m in a tiny building with 270 children practically piled on top of each other. There are eight classes going on at the same time. That’s a lot of noise.  I’m just going to do the best I can and if they can say anything in English by the end of the year then I’ll be happy.

Please, pray God will strengthen my body and mind. This is very hard work!

How will I go back?

I just finished reading my last entry. I can feel a hint of bitterness in my writing. Maybe you can’t see it but I can. I pray continually that I won’t become angry at the unfair circumstances of this world. I don’t want to be disgusted when I look at the surplus of wealth in my own country. America is my country. It will always be my home.

I keep wrestling with the idea of when I’ll return. How will I go back? I don’t think it will be as easy as I once assumed it would be. How can I return to Wal-Mart Super Centers and Wednesday Wing Nights at the golf course when I have looked in the eyes of starving babies? How can ever enjoy a meal at Red Lobster when I know my children will only ever eat rice and beans? How could I ever spend an afternoon shopping at the mall when so many women here can’t even afford a bra to cover themselves?

What will I do when I go back? Who could possibly understand what I’ve seen? My first trip to Haiti was so different. I was here for a week. I saw poverty. I witnessed sickness, dirty children, and unclean living conditions.  But, I was looking at the problem and not the person. Now, these people are my friends. I have a bond with some of them that I never felt with anyone in America. I laugh with them. I sing with them. I pray with them. And then…..I watch them go without. I see them struggling to find clothes and food and I feel helpless. If only I had more money. Why does everything have to come down to money?

I once asked God to give me compassion. I would sing songs that said “Break my heart for what breaks yours. “  I don’t know if the answer to those prayers has been a blessing or a curse. Our God loves so much. I can’t imagine the hurt he must feel when he watches such needless suffering. 

What I have seen...

Today was the first day the students actually showed up. My first class was preschool children. When I walked in I saw about 15 pairs of eyes looking up at me. They were curious, but very shy. I started going around the room shaking their little hands saying, "Hello Babies, my name is Ms, Carrie"  Their little eyes got bigger every time I said, Hello. A couple times while I was holding their hands I noticed many of them felt very hot. Little burning fingers. It must be fever. I have seen so much sickness here.
As I entered the class with the second group of preschoolers one little boy, in particular, caught my eye. He was so thin. He reminded me of those WWII Holocaust pictures I've seen in all my history books. He moved a lot slower then the rest of the children and he barely smiled at all. I have seen so much hunger here.
Today, we had enough money in our budget to feed everyone. So all the children got a big hot plate of rice and beans. Its good to see them eat.
Be careful any of you wanting to come visit Haiti. Once you have come here you can never again tell God you did not know......     

T. I. Ute

I would like to introduce you to T. I. Ute. She lives in the house with me, so I get to see that beautiful smile everyday. Every morning she runs up to me at school and gives me a big hug. She never forgets to tell me she loves me before she goes into class. She is a very sweet girl, but she can not sit still through class to save her life..lol She is always trying to move to a different seat, or go to the bathroom, or lay down and sleep on the benches. I have to remind her to pay attention every 10 minutes. Hahaha... Children are so rotten sometimes.
When her mother became pregnant for her she wasn't married. After telling her family what she had done they were so angry with her that they beat her almost to death. The mother has brain damage from the beating, but luckily T. I. Ute wasn't harmed. Now her mother is dying and T. I. Ute had no one to take care of her. So, now she lives with us. She gets fed everyday and she attends our school.
Please remember her and all the other Haitian children in your prayers tonight. We are working hard to give them a brighter future.

A Part of Life

There is a lady in our house that is very sick. She needs a lot of prayer. She has Typhoid fever and Malaria at the same time. I feel horrible cause I didn't even know who the girl was when my friends started telling me about her. She has been sick practically the entire time I've been here so I haven't seen her much.
All the men from our church went to her room tonight and prayed for her healing. They're going to try an take her to the doctor tomorrow, but the road to the hospital is only accessible by motorcycle. This poor woman is going to have to ride on the back of a motorcycle after she has been sick for three weeks. I can't imagine!
I started asking people how high her temperature was. I was trying to explain to them that if an adult's temperature gets as high as 105 degrees that can be very dangerous. Luckily, I packed a thermometer when I came. Her temperature was almost 105 degrees. Of course, I'm not a doctor but I do know that's to high. I told them to give her a bath in cool water to try and bring the fever down. I kept asking what medicine she was taking, but no one really knows. They just say its the medicine the doctor gives for Malaria. I have no idea what that would be. I want to, at least, give her aspirin or something but I don't know if I should mix the medications. I don't want to give her more then she needs.
I was telling a man here how upset I was that she was sick. I feel so helpless. He said, "No Carrie, don't be sad. This is natural. It's just a part of life." I am not as comfortable with sickness as the Haitians are. I realize they see this kind of thing everyday, but I have never. It breaks my heart.
Please pray she recovers quickly. I can't even imagine how awful she must feel.

Today was a Good Day

Today was a good day. I woke up and went to school. There wasn't very many kids today either, but we did what we could.  While I was teaching I looked over my shoulder and noticed all the teachers at the school were gathered around watching me. It made me so nervous. It turned out OK, though. After I was finished I realized they just wanted to learn, as well. One teacher, that was about the same age as me, graped my flash cards as soon as I was finished and started trying to read them to me. He did pretty good. Except he could not pronounce the "r". Most Haitians have trouble pronouncing anything that starts with an "r" but this guy was really bad. I would say it and then he would say it wrong. Then, I would say it and he would say it wrong. I started laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants! He was hilarious. Of course, he was laughing about it to.
After school I walked up the hill and another guy I work with ran up to me and told me to sit down and wait. I didn't know what he was doing, but the next thing I knew he had climbed to the top of a tree and was dropping fruit down to me. He picked 5 or 6 before he came back down. He peeled them for me and we sit under the tree and ate them. It was great. I think they were oranges, but they didn't look the same as American oranges. They were really good.
So, here I am sitting under a shade tree with a good friend. Just relaxing and enjoying the conversation. I had my IPhone so I got to show him pictures of America. He had many questions. While I was sitting there I thought to myself, "I'll never know why God would give me such an amazing life".
If you don't know this about me already I used to have a very serious drug problem. At one point I overdosed and a doctor told me I would die before I was thirty if I didn't stop using. That was the lowest point of my life. But its amazing to think that at that same moment God was sitting at the foot of my hospital bed saying...... "I'm going to use this one. Im going to lift this girl off of this bed. Clean her up, and  send her to a third world country.This drug addict is going to be teaching orphans in Haiti in less then 2 years."
Wow! If I was Jesus I wouldn't have chosen me. If I was him I wouldn't have even bothered to give me a second glance. I love him because he first loved me.

Schools Starts

The first day was interesting. No one showed up! We had eight children come to school today. Vickie said it takes the Haitian people a little while to get back into the swing of things after summer ends. They are so different then American's. Time is not important at all here. In America, if you are 5 minutes late for something people notice. In Haiti, I can be 30 minutes late for church; walk in and realize they haven't even started yet! I'm getting very used to it though. I am going to have super natural patients when I come back home to visit. No one can disrupt my day now. I'm learning to just go with the flow. I was a really easy going person before I came here, but now I'm even better. I like it that way. People here don't get bent out of shape about the small things. Sure sometimes it can be frustrating that no one is on time for class, but these people aren't as stressed out as Americans are. I have a lot to learn from them.......

Greater Things

So, I heard through the grape vine that the first service at the new Soul Harvest Church building was a big success. I'm so thankful for the revival that's taking place in that town. Its so huge that its spreading to other countries! Earlier, I was telling my friend Vickie that I want the Haitian people to be as excited about praising God as my home church is. Haiti is in need of a serious revival. I know that it's coming. When the earthquake hit a year ago it caused the global church to take notice of this little country. Since then missionaries, like myself, have been arriving in greater numbers. God was just trying to get our attention. He's got my attention, thats for sure. I now I'm going to be here for a very long time. I signed up for a year long mission trip, but there is no way I'm going to leave as soon as I learn the language. That would be crazy! Next year is when things are really going to start happening. Next year, I'll be able to teach The Message without a translator. Next year, I'll be the translator! When I think about the possiblities of the future here I get so excited I can hardly stand it......
"Greater things are yet to come. Greater things are still to be done in this city."

P.S If anyone took pictures of the opening service will you please email them to me. I would really appreciate it. carrieroush51@yahoo.com

Welcome Back Lunch

Today at the school we held a teachers meeting and a "welcome back" lunch for the kids. There was quite a few children there and I got to meet all of my fellow teachers. Kind of. Of course, I cant speak to any of them so I just waved and said Bonjour (Hello). It was challenging. Everyone was socializing and I dont have the ability to socialize. Every now and then someone will approach me and try to communicate, but it normally ends in both of us becoming frustrated. But, I can always count on the children to keep me company. They never get aggravated that I can't speak their language. They just simply act out what they're trying to say. I think it feels like a game to them. Alot of the children here today had never seen me before, so they were very curious. After they were done eating many of them started feeling my hands and arms. I guess, they were wondering if white people felt the same as they do. They also think its strange that I turn red when I get hot. I don't blame them.....it is a little strange if you think about it. After about 15 minutes of gettting poked and pinched by a hundred little fingers they must have decided I didn't feel that much different  and they ran off to play. Hopefully they won't feel the need to do that the first day of class...lol

The Internet is Back!

The internet is back!! Thank you, Jesus. I was going crazy without it. I think I'm way to spoiled for my own good. Looking back on it now I probably should have continued writing and just saved all my entries until now, but I wasn't thinking that far ahead. Sorry!
My schedule in Haiti is still the same. I teach adults and children for an hour each on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But, this Monday, everything will change. School is starting. We have 270 children enrolled this year. There is Pre-K through 6th grade. I'm going to teach each class for 30 minutes everyday. I think at first it's going to be very tiring for me. It will probably take some time to get used to. In Haiti, the heat alone makes you tired. So trying to work in the heat will be quite the challenge, but I'm up for it! This is why I came. I tell myself everyday, "Im doing this for the love of Jesus. I'm doing this because he first loved me."
We also have a feeding program that will start Monday. Every kid that comes to our school gets a plate of rice and beans when the school day is over. It is very possible that this is the only meal they will recieve each day. Starting in November we will have a lot of donated food given to us. This will help greatly with our food program budget. However, in October we are short on funding so we can only afford to feed the children 3 days a week. Of course, the children living with me at my house will still get feed everyday. It is the children in the surrounding area that will go without. Its going to be difficult. Can you imagine trying to concentrate in school if you haven't ate anything in two days? Before I came to Haiti I was so bad about forgetting to pray before I ate. I never forget now. I have different feelings now when someone places a full plate of food in front of me. Its a gratefulness that can only be understood by those who have truley witnessed hunger. People have this look of hopelessness when they are hungry.... Its hard to explain.


If anyone would like to make donations to the feeding program just visit the website http://www.wellnetwork.tv/. You can donate online. And remember, prayers are free. My children could always use them, as well.

He is my Rock

I experienced my first overwhelming day in Haiti, yesterday. I woke up early feeling completely brain dead. I thought if I heard one more word in creole my head would explode. Of course, when I came out of my room the entire country was still speaking in creole. I then made my first crucial mistake. I ate breakfast and then retreated to the silence of my room. I laid in bed all afternoon with a headache. I felt exhausted. People here are natural more reluctant to approach me because communication is so difficult. Most days I understand that and I try my best not to take it personally. Yesterday was different.
What do you do in a third world country when you wake up in a sour mood? In Haiti once you invite self pity in it easily consumes your every thought. Focusing on the despair takes a lot less effort here then focusing on the joy. But, lucky for me, my God lives even in a place as foreign as Haiti. He goes before me. He sees my frustrations even before I do. When their is no one else to turn to there is Jesus.
The Bible says He is love. It doesn't say He has love. He is love. So whenever I'm feeling the strain of the great need I witness here everyday. I ask for compassion. I ask for wisdom. I ask for guidance. I ask for that love that surpasses all understanding. He is the source of contentment, so if you want all these things you have to get closer to the source.
If I'm going to be truly honest this is the real reason I came to Haiti. I could tell you it was for the children, but that would be a lie. Though they do make my job that much more enjoyable; they are not why I stay. I knew before coming here I would have moments when I felt all alone. When despair would overcome me. When no one else would be around to embrace me if I failed. I also knew that in those moments I would have no choice but to turn to God for comfort. And every time he comes through for me my faith and love for him grows that much more. He is my strong tower.
C.S Lewis once said...
"You never know how much you really believe anything until it's truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to hold a box. But suppose you had to hang by the rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it?"
The more completely I depend on God the more completely he provides for me. This is why I stay in Haiti. This is why I call myself a Christian.

The Little Moments

More often then not carrying out the Lords will is challenging. Normally, the things he ask of us takes us outside of our comfort zones into unfamiliar territory. This is how he shapes us. But, sometimes doing the Lord's will is as easy as getting your fingernails painted....
Today, after dinner, a woman came up to me and noticed I had a hang nail. She said, "Oh, I will fix that for you." She immediately ran to her room. To my surprise, when she came back she was carrying a purse full of nail polish, nail files, and lotions. I've been sitting beside her for the last hour getting one of the best manicures I've ever had. She seems to enjoy doing  it and my nails have never looked better! She is such a precious lady, and I'm so grateful to have her as a friend.
When I first realized the Lord was calling me to be a missionary I assumed I would face a great deal of suffering in his name. I guess, I haven't got to that part yet because sitting around painting fingernails isn't exactly my idea of suffering. I'm sure there will be days when my patients is tested, when the children aren't behaving, or the heat and hunger is to much to bare. I will be ready to face the challenges when they come, but for now I'm very content sitting around with my new family and learning about what great people they truly are.
Thank you Jesus, for the small moments in my life that have come to mean so much to me. Thank you for opening my eyes so I can appreciate what's really important.

My first sentence!

Today at breakfast I put a sentence together in creole all by myself! Vickie was eating with me and she had 3 cell phones laying on the table. I asked her in creole, "Why do you need 3 cell phones?" (Poukisa ou bezwen twa telephone?) She smiled at me and said, "M' genyen kat telephone." (I have 4 cell phones) I still have no idea why she has so many phones, but that's not the point! The point is I constructed my first sentence, and understood her response!!!
I've been in Haiti for 18 days now. When I stop and think about it I do know a lot of words already. My goal of being able to have conversations in creole by Christmas doesn't look impossible. That, my friends, is an example of the power of pray. If you are doing God's will there isn't anything he won't do for you. I asked for his help learning this new language and he is helping. Trust me! I know it's all him because I failed french class in high school. I was terrible. But now, in the areas where I lack ability I look towards Jesus for support. He feels in all of my gaps and shows me the person I was meant to be. Today, many people spend their lives asking the question, "who am I?" You will never truly know yourselves until you look towards God for answers. Only the Creator can fully understand his creation. Ask him for guidance. You will be amazed at the potential you have through him.
Thank you Jesus for teaching me who I am.....

What Happened??

All my little angels turned into little terrors over night! They were all at least 30 minutes late for class today. They wouldn't listen. They wouldn't sit still. I tried to play a game with them and they all started fighting! Then I'm going over their ABC's and I see the boys talking on a cell phone. They are 7 years old. Where in the world did they get a cell phone? And who does a 7 year old need to call? I had to yell at them and take it away. Of course, they don't know what I'm saying so I can't reason with them. Now they are all mad at me. The kids in the house are sitting at the other end of the hall not speaking to me. Today I'm the mean teacher. I didn't give them candy after class.Tonight we're having a long family meeting at dinner about the appropriate way to behave in the classroom. Ms. Carrie is very upset!.... Jesus give me strength.These kids are going to give me a stroke!

Lesson of the day : Children are children no matter what country they are from.

I still love them though. I can see their potential. I just need to make them see it some how. They can be so much more then  block makers or laundry ladies. They are the future leaders of this country. Lord give me the patients and the authority to guide them, because they deserve the best I can give.

God's Mirror

This picture is for everyone who said I was crazy for leaving home. I live among angels. What better life is there then that?

Determination

I've read so much Creole today I think my head will explode!! The a's don't sound like a's. The i's sound like e's. Its like trying to rewire your brain!!! Now I have all these words in my head, but I can't put them into sentences. Sometimes I can pick up on the general subject of a conversation, but they talk so fast. Ahhhh!!!
LOL..I'm sure I will learn. It just takes time. I believe God is teaching me about persistence and determination. It would be so much easier if he would just do it for me. He could just give me the ability to speak a different langauge, but then what will I learn if I never have to do anything myself. A father always knows what's best for his child. But, I'm still going to pray he will give me the ability...just in case ;)

Setting Goals

In Haiti some days are harder then others. In life some goodbyes hurt worse then others. Saying goodbye to Josh and Cayla today was more difficult then I expected. It is finished now. I won't see a familiar face from home until December. Todd has also set rules for me not to leave the orphanage for the first month that I'm here. Which means, I can't visit Lucson for awhile either. I know Todd is only looking out for my well being and I  respect his rules. But, I look forward to the day when I can, at least, visit Lucson and his family. He is a good man and I enjoy his company. I hated to see them go. However, with their absence comes a greater sense of determination. I am here among the Haitians now and I have to be able to communicate. The faster I learn the easier it will be to adjust. How can I explain the story of Jesus to someone I can't talk to? I have so many questions for them that I can't ask. From this point on I'm going to spend everyday learning to read, write, and speak creole. I'm giving myself 3 months. I'm going to be able to have a conversation with anyone here before I leave for Christmas break. As a matter of fact I'm going to go study right now......

He Lives in Us

Being surrounded by so much poverty and despair can easily make a person become bitter with life. Whenever we become angry at the unfairness of this world we should take comfort in knowing that it is a Godly anger we are feeling. He created that piece inside of us that becomes outraged at the injustices of this world.That's what separates us from animals. So, it stands to reason, that if he created that part of us then he is outraged, as well. He will right the wrongs of this world because our hearts desire them to be set right, and he created that desire.

Remember, justice delayed is not justice denied.

Break Through

There is a little boy that lives in  my house. His name is Wilson, and he is about 7 or 8 years old. He is the only true orphan that lives with us. His father was riding on the back of a truck and fell off. His clothes got caught on something and he was dragged for who knows how long. By the time the driver noticed what was happening he was already dead. About a month after that his mother was participating in a Voodoo ceremony. She became possessed and slithered up a tree. When she tried to slither down, I suppose, the demon left her and she fell to her death. After that he was all alone.
When he came to live at the children's home many of the people visiting on week long mission trips would give him a lot of attention. He is a very cute little boy. (I'll post pictures of him later.) As soon as Wilson would begin to get attached to an adult they would leave him. So now he is a very guarded child. When the team that I came with was here he would not speak to anyone unless he was forced to. My heart breaks for him, but I think I've made progress today.
He keeps asking if he can borrow my UNO cards. Every time he ask for them I make him play at least one game with me. It's a good way to spend time with all the kids. While we were playing earlier he starting moving closer to me. He very slowly put his arm around me. I kissed him on top of the head and he laid his head on my shoulder for the rest of the card game. I think that was a big step for him. He wants to trust me. He wants to be loved, but he's scared to be left alone again. He must be so hurt. If I earn his trust how could I ever leave him? Going home, even for a short time, will not be easy.
Todd is considering adopting him. It takes a long time and a lot of money, but he's going to try. I worry that the adjustment to American culture will be hard on him. He doesn't even know English. I'll try to teach him as much as I can. Please, remember him in your prayers tonight. He's very special to me.

A Day in Port Au Prince

We dropped Todd ,my boss, off at the airport today. I'm the only American left at the school now. I spent the entire day driving around Port Au Prince with Marc, the director of my school. He's a very intellect Haitian man that is passionate about God and saving souls. I'm lucky to have such a good guy looking out for me here. God is to good to me.
He took me to a small store that sold lunch meat. I was surprised! I didn't think they had shops like that here. We bought bread, cheese, and ham. When Cayla and Josh come to visit me Tuesday I'm going to serve them hot ham and cheese. I know they will enjoy that. Rice gets old really fast. They serve it with every single meal.
While I was in town Marc taught me a little about Haitian money (gourdes). I exchanged all my American dollars for gourdes. One thousands gourdes equals about $25. I was looking everywhere for a Bible written in Creole, but I didn't have any luck. I guess, they are hard to come by. Marc said he will find me one, though. How can we expect these people to make educated productive descisions about thier country if they can't even buy a Bible? Most American's have three or four Bibles lying around their home. I know I do. I even have it on my phone. With all the resources God has given to us, I believe, he expects a lot more out of Americans. I recently read a book by a famous missionary named C. T. Studd. His thoughts were this....

My friends often ask me, "Do you think people can be saved if they have never heard the gospel?"
For me, a more important question would be, "Can people be saved who have heard the gospel and chosen not to share it?"

We have all been given the gift of the Message. What we chose to do with it is up to us. You are all missionaries. Remember, you don't have to travel across the world to share the love of Jesus.

The Pure in Heart

It is safe to tell the pure in heart that they will see God because only the pure in heart want to.

So Many Blessing

Right now there is almost 15 children playing outside my room. They are pushing each other in a little yellow cart. They're so loud I can't hear my CD player. It's OK though. They're laughter sounds better then any music I have. Who am I that God would bless me so much? Everyday he places more love inside my heart. Compassion is such a wonderful gift to receive. My cup runneth over!
I was able to visit Josh and Cayla yesterday. It was so good seeing my friends. We went to a beautiful beach and then a women's soccer game. Lucson, the man they stay with, is doing well. His children are healthy and happy. They gave me a bracelet that has my name sewn into it. I love it. I don't think I'll ever take it off. Class went well today. However, they are catching on quicker then I expected. I have to adjust my lesson plan for next time. They are so smart! I'm going to start given them vocabulary words to memorize every week. I think I'll write the word in English then in Creole. That will teach me, as well. I cant wait until I can speak their language. Its driving me crazy! I've learned a lot since I got here, though. I can pick up one or two words in most conversations. So I have a small idea of whats being said. It will come. Everything takes time, and I have the rest of my life to learn. 

Teaching English

I had my first english classes today. It was amazing! I had children first then young adults. The kids were wonderful. They were excited about learning something new just like most children their age. We played games and I taught them the song, Jesus Loves Me. I realized today that my job consist of playing with beautiful little children all day. Hahaha. And people say I sacrfice. If they only knew how wonderful my job is.
When the adults starting to come in I got a little nervous. I didn't know how they would responed to me. I had a translater at first so I told them I came to serve them because Jesus called us all to serve. I explained I was there to help and they could come to me for anything. Then I prayed for the wisdom to teach them. They responed very well after that. They caught on quickly, and I was able to laugh and joke with them. My next class is Friday. I can't wait!!

Left Behind

Everyone that came with me on the mission trip went home today. My boss, Pastor Todd is still here but he was gone all day doing business in Port Au Prince. I thought it would be strange to be left behind. I set on a bench surrounded by my new Haitian family waving goodbye, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm not ready to leave yet. Even though it is hard saying goodbye to so many great people I know I'm where I belong. This is the home God has prepared for me. There is so much to do and see and learn here. Each day is exciting and challenging. People keep telling me God will bless me for my sacrifice, but I'm already blessed. As far as I can tell, I haven't given up anything that God hasn't given me back double. Tomorrow I begin teaching English. It will be an open class for the people of this village until school starts. Everyone is excited. I think many will come. I am so blessed to be given this chance to teach these wonderful people!

Precious Water

The concert was amazing!! We set up a clinic right on the beach and treated over 400 children. Dre preformed and led as many as 50 people to Christ. These children were a lot sicker then any I've seen so far. One little girl in particular was follow me around most of the day. I tried speaking to her, but she wouldn't talk. All morning every time I would sit she would sit and when I would walk she would walk. Finally, I asked if she was hungry. She said yes. We were grilling hot dogs for the children so I cut line and got her one. She would only nibble on it though. I thought, maybe she is thirsty and her throat is dry. I got her a glass of water and she drank it so fast she almost choked. I got her another and she did the same thing. It broke my heart. She had been sitting beside me for hours and I had no idea she was so thirsty. After she ate I gave her a sticker and she never left my side.

Moving Past Religion

Spreading the Gospel in Haiti has many challenges. Dre Marshall, a Christian rapper is staying at the children's home with us this week. Last night we held a concert on our property and invited all the youth in the surrounding village. It was going well. The teenage boys were dancing while all the young girls watched and giggled. The little children were all smiles pointing to the sky singing "You a big God. You a big God." It was wonderful. However the elders of the church had a different opinion. They were anger. We were so close to reaching them! The teenage boys were hearing the gospel in a new light and you could see we were actually getting through to them. But the church members shut us down. They weren't happy with the music and the style of preaching so the kids thought they were doing something wrong. They are very concerned with religion here. There isn't any room for the Holy Spirit to move. But, I know Jesus is planning a huge revival for this country. The devil has put many obstacles in our path, but with Christ as our leader we will overcome them one by one. We are planning another concert this afternoon on the beach. Lives are going to be changed today!