This One's Tough

A little over a year ago a young boy came to my house complaining of a sore knee. It was the son of the Haitian Pastor I always work with while doing ministry. His name was Osdanni. I had seen him plenty of times before. He was a shy kid but always very polite. I often got the impression he was more innocent then most children at his age, but he had a beautiful smile. It was the contagious kind of smile you couldn't help but smile back at. 
However, on that particular day he wasn't smiling. His knee was swollen and sore, so I gave him some children's tylenol and prayed over him. I told him he had probably twisted it playing soccer and then kept walking on it and made it worse. Thinking about that day now makes me wonder if I was just as innocent, as well. 
After that I left to go back to America for a short trip. While I was staying with my Aunt I got a phone call saying they had taken Osdanni to a Haitian doctor and they had done x-rays. The doctor had concluded that Osdanni had cancer and his leg needed to be amputated immediately. 
"What!" I said.
"What do you mean cut his leg off? There is no way the doctor could know that just by an x-ray. Just don't do anything until I get back"

When I returned, with the help of another American friend, we found a doctor from The States. He said he would help as much as possible, but after examining Osdanni he feared the worst, as well. He told us he needed to do a bone biopsy to be completely sure. 
So we did the bone biopsy and the result came back as cancer. The Haitian doctor had "guessed" right. An amputation was scheduled for the following week. What I remember most about that time was my husband giving his own blood for the procedure. Osdanni's father couldn't because he had already had malaria, so Kenzy and my friend Robert volunteered in his place. I was proud of them both.

Osdanni came out of the operation ok, but the doctors told us because his cancer was so aggressive he would have to go through chemo also. He was so brave through everything. I never once heard him complain. While he was going through treatment he would often sit underneath his father's mango tree reading his bible and praying. I learned a lot about faith and trusting the Lord by watching him and his father through this time. 

I remember, around Christmas time of this year Osdanni came to my house. My friends had bought a goat for him and I wanted to surprise him. He sit out on my front steps with his huge contagious smile holding his new pet. He tried to give me lessons on my guitar that day but he kept laughing at me because I was so bad. 
I thought to myself, "I haven't seen him this happy in awhile. He must be beginning to get better." 
Then a phone call from the doctor. Osdanni's cancer had spread into his lungs and other organs. The chemo had failed and there was nothing more they could do. If this was God's will then Osdanni's body would die within a few months. 
How do you process that? How do you accept it? How do you laugh and play with a child one day and then find out he's dying the next? I thought he was getting better......

He became weaker. He started getting thinner. After awhile he began coughing so hard he couldn't sleep at night. 

Yesterday we drove him to Port au Prince to a mission that has been helping to take care of him through all of this. For 3 hours I held him in my arms as he struggled to take every breath. There were times when he would stop breathing altogether and I was sure we had lost him. Then around 7:00 last night he took his last breath and went with Jesus. 
I've never seen death up close like that before. It was so real. Life is so fragile. 
What comfort can you give to a grieving father after he's lost his first born son? It's in these moments when I am most thankful for the sacrifice of Christ. I know where Osdanni is, and I know that because Jesus defeated death while he hung on that cross. He made heaven a possibility for us. He died so Osdani could live. 

One of my favorite authors is CS Lewis. He wrote the children's novels, The Chronicles of Narnia. In the last book of the series all of the characters get to go to Aslan's Country, which in comparison would be our heaven. One of the characters describes what he's seeing as this......
"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this." 

I'm trying to imagine what Osdanni is looking at right now. I'm wondering what conversations he's having. It's hard to fathom what he's experiencing, but whatever he's doing I'll bet he's smiling. 

"But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."
― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

Kay Espwa

 I recently met a little girl named Jessica. She is a beautiful little 4 year old that carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. Jessica stands out from the other children in our weekly Bible lessons because she never participates. She never smiles. She never plays. She rarely speaks. Something is seriously wrong at Jessica’s home. Poverty is brutal in this country. It’s impact is devastating and heartbreaking to say the least, but children are remarkable creations. They survive and adapt in a way I never could, but being unloved is the one thing that can break their spirits sometimes beyond repair. I look into Jessica’s eyes and I see a lost little girl that needs a hug more then she needs a plate of food. She silently wishes for a hand to hold instead of a new toy. She’s hurting and that means God’s hurting too.

About thirty minutes down the road from Jessica is a 14 year old boy named McKenzie. He’s been living in and out of a prison cell for most of his teenage life. His last offense, which cost him 6 months, was stealing a cell phone. This is not a hardened criminal. This is a little boy trying to survive in a world without love. He’s scheduled to be released in February and if something isn’t done for him I have no doubt he will eventually return to that prison cell again. He’s hurting and that means God’s hurting too.

I could write a hundred more stories of a hundred more kids that I’ve met in my short time on this island. I’ve been praying that God will give me answers for all the hurt I see around me, and now I’m beginning to understand that its not just physical needs that these people lack, its love. Poverty can not break them. Disease can not deter them. Earthquakes can not crush their spirits, but the absence of love is life threatening.
 There is a home built just down the road from where I currently live now. Its yard is over grown and its floors need a good scrub, but there is potential. I want to rent it and make it into a children’s home. I want to fill its rooms with laughter and happy faces. I want a separate room where I can take in the sick and nurse them back to health. I want to give work to boys like McKenzie who can do odd jobs for me and then have a place of refuge to feel safe and welcomed. I want to have movie nights and invite all the neighborhood children over to eat popcorn and watch movies about super heroes and beautiful princesses. I want them to come to my home and just be children. This is my dream for the future of God’s ministry here. 

The home will be called "Kay Espwa" which translates to House of Hope. 

The Bible says, “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” 

That’s our vision... to bring hope. For every child that walks through our gates hope will be waiting for them. Hope will be standing in our doorways with outstretched arms and a loving heart. They will have hope that their lives will be better then their parents before them. Hope that a good education and a warm meal every night is not an impossible dream. Hope that one day they will be the ones that change their own country.

I want to take an empty house and use it as a tool to provide hope, fulfill dreams, show love, heal wounds, and teach the gospel.

Please pray with me as we work towards making the House of Hope a reality. 

That is Christianity

Maybe it't not about getting up on Sundays to attend a church service. Maybe it's not about reading a Holy book or singing hymns in a church choir. Maybe it's not even about giving to charity or refraining yourself from cussing the next time you stub your toe on the coffee table. It seems to me that those are just things we do, it's not what we believe. Christianity is what I believe in and Christianity is a person. It's about a man named Jesus, who was born into a poor family and raised in a poor town, but still managed to change the course of history within 3 years just by the things he said. He never fought any wars or led great armies. He didn't even so much as write a book. He simply stood up in front of people and dared them to love. He dared them to resist anger and hatred even when it's justified. He showed us how to love one another even when we don't deserve it. After he said all these things he died naked and hanging on a cross because he wanted us to understand what it means to sacrifice yourself for others. He spent 33 years here teaching, encouraging, and correcting. Now, there has been many great teachers in this world, but none that have made the impact that he has. Why is that? It's because he did something no one else on earth has ever done. He died, but came back. He was defeated, but conquered the grave. He was resurrected!!! He was seen by thousands of people including ones that had previously hated and denied him. He changed their hearts and lives with one great act of redemption. His story was and still is the greatest story ever told. And, if it's true it's the only thing that really matters. If we claim to believe this then it changes everything; the way we live, the way we dream, the way we treat the people around us. If Jesus is who he claimed to be then from this point on our entire lives must be centered around him because he is the center of everything. I never cared much for religious doctrine or self help programs, but this man and his story changed my life. This God is the only god worth following. He's the only God worth hoping for. He's the only God that sacrificed everything he had just to love me. That is Christianity and that's worth everything I've given up and so much more.