He is my Rock

I experienced my first overwhelming day in Haiti, yesterday. I woke up early feeling completely brain dead. I thought if I heard one more word in creole my head would explode. Of course, when I came out of my room the entire country was still speaking in creole. I then made my first crucial mistake. I ate breakfast and then retreated to the silence of my room. I laid in bed all afternoon with a headache. I felt exhausted. People here are natural more reluctant to approach me because communication is so difficult. Most days I understand that and I try my best not to take it personally. Yesterday was different.
What do you do in a third world country when you wake up in a sour mood? In Haiti once you invite self pity in it easily consumes your every thought. Focusing on the despair takes a lot less effort here then focusing on the joy. But, lucky for me, my God lives even in a place as foreign as Haiti. He goes before me. He sees my frustrations even before I do. When their is no one else to turn to there is Jesus.
The Bible says He is love. It doesn't say He has love. He is love. So whenever I'm feeling the strain of the great need I witness here everyday. I ask for compassion. I ask for wisdom. I ask for guidance. I ask for that love that surpasses all understanding. He is the source of contentment, so if you want all these things you have to get closer to the source.
If I'm going to be truly honest this is the real reason I came to Haiti. I could tell you it was for the children, but that would be a lie. Though they do make my job that much more enjoyable; they are not why I stay. I knew before coming here I would have moments when I felt all alone. When despair would overcome me. When no one else would be around to embrace me if I failed. I also knew that in those moments I would have no choice but to turn to God for comfort. And every time he comes through for me my faith and love for him grows that much more. He is my strong tower.
C.S Lewis once said...
"You never know how much you really believe anything until it's truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to hold a box. But suppose you had to hang by the rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it?"
The more completely I depend on God the more completely he provides for me. This is why I stay in Haiti. This is why I call myself a Christian.